I'm writing this because I want to share a very surreal and confusing episode in my life. Some names and details have been changed in order to protect those involved.
Let me start off by giving a little background on Nazism and LGBTs:
Between 1933 and 1945, an estimated 100,000 men were arrested as homosexuals, of whom some 50,000 were officially sentenced. Most of these men served time in regular prisons, and an estimated 5,000 to 15,000 of those sentenced were incarcerated in Nazi concentration camps. It is unclear how many of the 5,000 to 15,000 eventually perished in the camps.
In the camps they were treated with unusual cruelty. They were given no quarter. Even other inmates showed no sympathy. Being beaten to death by other inmates was just as common as being beaten to death by the guards.
But the actual Nazi policy on homosexuality was ambiguous at best. Ernst Rรถhm, one of the founding members of the Nazi party, was homosexual. He co-founded the paramilitary group the Sturmabteilung (SA) and rumors circulated around that gay sex was not uncommon in the SA. Authors Scott Lively and Kevin Abrams contend in their book, The Pink Swastika, that only effeminate homosexuals were targeted and masculine homosexuals were generally left alone. Let it be said that I do not agree with Lively and Abrams and I think The Pink Swastika lacks any merit and is nothing more than pseudo-history.
Now that's done, it's time to start...
It started with a message on a dating site by a guy named Robert. Robert was late 40's, skinhead, and a harley rider. I would call him a "quasi Nazi." His beliefs didn't amount to a true National Socialist (NS) but he had huge sympathies for the Nazi cause.
After talking for a couple weeks, he asked me if I wanted to join an invite only group that was specifically for homosexual National Socialists. I've never subscribed to any NS views, Most of my views are completely contrary to NS views to be honest. For example: I'm a big Zionist. But I was 20 and like a normal 20 year old, I wanted to explore and experience all I can. I said yes.
Like I was saying, it's invite only so it's a sacred nest. It was most definitely a surreal experience. Within a few days of joining, I got a message from a gentleman by the name of Isaac.
Isaac was in his early 50's, born in London, and a leather maniac. But unlike Robert, Isaac was a full blown NS.
In our first conversation we talked for over three hours. I honestly don't know why, or how, we connected so much. This was the pivotal moment.
I could tell right away that he was completely infatuated with me, and I was starting to feel the same way about him. He treated me with such respect. My ex's never really respected me so that was a new feeling. He gave me an almost fatherly love. He always let it be known that he was there for me, and no one else.
He would use terms like, "I fancy you like a madman," and that just made me smile instantly. His tone was endearing, he was a complete gentleman.
I remember one conversation, he told me he'd kill for me..... And.... I was so flattered. Knowing him as well as I did, he meant it. He would not have hesitated to kill. That made me love him so much and hate him so much.
I know a lot of people will think, "Oh he was just saying what you wanted to hear." Just.... No. There were several instances (Not going to say specifics) where he demonstrated that his love was genuine.
But then there are the things I really don't like talking about. And by that I mean some of the things that we talked about. We never physically did anything. If I ever thought someone was in danger, I would have called authorities ASAP. I would rather die than hurt anyone. While he could be one of the nicest people to talk to, he could be, unsurprisingly, quite sadistic. He had a particularly strong hatred for "fags." Even though that hatred is ubiquitous in that subculture, his hatred was immense. (Just for clarity, in the gay NS culture "fag" means any effeminate, twink-like, and weak gay male.)
You can't imagine the internal struggle that ensued in me. But there was one imagine I created in my head that really effected me. You know at the end of Titanic, the young Rose is walking up the staircase and all around her are the people that died. I just imagined walking into a camp and all the victims of Nazi anti-LGBT laws. How could I tell all their souls that I'm a gay man and I'm dating a Nazi? I'm just like anyone of them, yet I'm dating the by proxy perpetrator.
What else contributed to the end of our relationship? The constant hatred he had really started to affect me. But as soon as he'd hold me as I drift off to sleep, I fell in love, all over again. Was I drunk on love? Oh yeah. You know, I could try to blame it on the fact I didn't have a father and he filled that void I had since childhood but in the end, it was just because he loved me unconditionally and he showed that. No lover has shown that level of respect towards me nor has any lover before or since loved me as much as Isaac did.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Just Some of My Favorite memes
*I do not take credit for creating any of these and I am not trying to profit off their work.
My Favorite Copypastas
Just some of my personal favorites: (PS, Sorry the font colors are hard to read.)
This offends me as a vegan transgender atheist who vapes and crossfits 4 times a week and I'm also a male feminist as I identify myself as a Rastafarian Apache helicopter dog mega multi combo god of hyper death and if you don't agree with me you're an ignorant arrogant globaphobic sexist lesbian.
This offends me as a vegan transgender atheist who vapes and crossfits 4 times a week and I'm also a male feminist as I identify myself as a Rastafarian Apache helicopter dog mega multi combo god of hyper death and if you don't agree with me you're an ignorant arrogant globaphobic sexist lesbian.
Monday, February 8, 2016
Slice and Dice- The Circumcision Debate. The Dark Side NO ONE Knows
Circumcision has long been a tradition in many societies and religions. The origins of the practice are unknown. It probably has evolved independently several times in human history, with no one society being the cultural source.
I was personally circumcised when I was 11. I had severe bladder damage from being paralyzed and it was done to help reduce UTIs. It did. But I soon completely recovered my bladder function but at the time, no one knew for sure.
The Dark Side to me isn't that I was circumcised, I am proud I was cut, and circumcision helps protect against HIV (which I will go into detail later). But the dark side started when I met a friend on facebook. We are going to call this friend Preston Dennis (that was the first name I got on a random name generator). Preston is uncut.
Preston has just be on a crusade about how disgusting circumcision is. But he is so hateful. All his propaganda is just thinly veiled elitism. All he would say is how we are ruining men's lives, and cut men are victims of the pro-mutilating lobby. He always says a man's life is destroyed when they're cut. And he says they can never feel pleasure of sex. Of course he does not know how it feels. He doesn't know how circumcision affects a man's life, or more precisely, how it does not.
He always goes on about how uncut guys are so much more happier, and full, and feel better. So he isn't advocating anything except how being uncut is just better.
And if you're cut and are proud of being cut, he HATES that. He will try and force you to think like a victim. Like coerce you into falling in with his view. He coerced me into feeling robbed of my foreskin at a point when I was already suicidal for other reasons.
The more is NEVER FORCE A VICTIM TO MAKE AN ELITIST POINT.
I was personally circumcised when I was 11. I had severe bladder damage from being paralyzed and it was done to help reduce UTIs. It did. But I soon completely recovered my bladder function but at the time, no one knew for sure.
The Dark Side to me isn't that I was circumcised, I am proud I was cut, and circumcision helps protect against HIV (which I will go into detail later). But the dark side started when I met a friend on facebook. We are going to call this friend Preston Dennis (that was the first name I got on a random name generator). Preston is uncut.
Preston has just be on a crusade about how disgusting circumcision is. But he is so hateful. All his propaganda is just thinly veiled elitism. All he would say is how we are ruining men's lives, and cut men are victims of the pro-mutilating lobby. He always says a man's life is destroyed when they're cut. And he says they can never feel pleasure of sex. Of course he does not know how it feels. He doesn't know how circumcision affects a man's life, or more precisely, how it does not.
He always goes on about how uncut guys are so much more happier, and full, and feel better. So he isn't advocating anything except how being uncut is just better.
And if you're cut and are proud of being cut, he HATES that. He will try and force you to think like a victim. Like coerce you into falling in with his view. He coerced me into feeling robbed of my foreskin at a point when I was already suicidal for other reasons.
The more is NEVER FORCE A VICTIM TO MAKE AN ELITIST POINT.
Iatrogenic Pain....
I had an epidural steroid injection. Just because I do not want to have to explain it all, I'll paraphrase from the signed report that went along with the procedure:
"The patient was placed prone on the CT table and localizing transaxial images were performed.
After choosing the appropriate level for access, the lumbar region was prepped and draped in
standard sterile fashion. The skin and subcutaneous tissues along the anticipated needle tract
were anesthetized with 1% lidocaine. A 25-gauge 3.5 inch spinal needle was then advanced under
CT guidance until the tip of the needle was within the right T11-T12 neuroforamen.
Approximately 1 mL of Omnipaque-300 mixed with 0.5 mL of 0.5% Marcaine were injected into the
epidural space. Confirmation of appropriate distribution of the injected materials was made
with additional imaging. Then, 80 mg of Depo-Medrol mixed with 0.5 mL of 0.5% Marcaine was
injected into the epidural space. The needle was removed. The patient tolerated the procedure
without evidence for immediate post procedural complication."
I know they did some nerve damage and it's so frustrating to have iatrogenic pain along with my chronic pain! I had to go to the ER on Feb 1st because the pain was so severe right at the injection site. They got an IV started with hydromorphone ( Dilaudid). I was set to have an MRI to see if there was any damage. MRIs are extremely painful for me because my back can't handle lying there. So they also gave me fentanyl. I was able to complete the 3.5 hour MRI relatively pain free. They didn't find any gross damage. But between the time I got accepted to the ER at 5pm and when I was discharged, I had 5 vials of hydromorphone (Dilaudid) and 5~6 vials of fentanyl. The pain is still increased so I'm setting up meetings to see which medicines I can go on until it heals.
"The patient was placed prone on the CT table and localizing transaxial images were performed.
After choosing the appropriate level for access, the lumbar region was prepped and draped in
standard sterile fashion. The skin and subcutaneous tissues along the anticipated needle tract
were anesthetized with 1% lidocaine. A 25-gauge 3.5 inch spinal needle was then advanced under
CT guidance until the tip of the needle was within the right T11-T12 neuroforamen.
Approximately 1 mL of Omnipaque-300 mixed with 0.5 mL of 0.5% Marcaine were injected into the
epidural space. Confirmation of appropriate distribution of the injected materials was made
with additional imaging. Then, 80 mg of Depo-Medrol mixed with 0.5 mL of 0.5% Marcaine was
injected into the epidural space. The needle was removed. The patient tolerated the procedure
without evidence for immediate post procedural complication."
I know they did some nerve damage and it's so frustrating to have iatrogenic pain along with my chronic pain! I had to go to the ER on Feb 1st because the pain was so severe right at the injection site. They got an IV started with hydromorphone ( Dilaudid). I was set to have an MRI to see if there was any damage. MRIs are extremely painful for me because my back can't handle lying there. So they also gave me fentanyl. I was able to complete the 3.5 hour MRI relatively pain free. They didn't find any gross damage. But between the time I got accepted to the ER at 5pm and when I was discharged, I had 5 vials of hydromorphone (Dilaudid) and 5~6 vials of fentanyl. The pain is still increased so I'm setting up meetings to see which medicines I can go on until it heals.
Updating the Records
I'm going back through past posts and revamping them. Making them more professional. So stick around or check back soon.
From Russia with Memes Part 2
Fish can't survive long out of water; Russians can't survive long off a carpet.
I- I don't have the psychological skills needed to comment here.
"Parret Preacher?" Sounds like a new show on TLC... You know that'd be some TLC bullshit. But I do want to see that parret walk into his birdhouse like Sherman Hemsley walks into church in "Amen"
Teaching a crayfish how to "be rachet."
Who saw "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" (2011). Directed by David Fincher? This looks like the opening where they have those monochromic humans. And Karen Oh's Voice...
"For peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing."
Little Vladimir is playing with pop pop's gun again. Little punk ass.
I have to buy bread in Moscow next time knowing this disgusting man might have laid on it.
Ho ho ho! Santa Stalin! "Some of the youths have asked for enough food to eat.... No..... Less for Ukraine....."
"No........... No.. I clean bomb now, Mista Khrushchev"
Oh.... well.... Larisa's dead where the drinks!
"What gun would Jesus choose?"
Well he would use a FN P90
Whoa... Just imagine Putin completing the trifecta...
Alright, I am only commenting on the old perv's hair. It's a hairstyle that is a buzz cut with the bangs still on.....
Mon Mothma?
Fuckin' photo bombing heffers!! We want to see the cow!!
"Da?"......
"Nyet......"
More of a little treat. Riding a bear and sporting a cunt cap...
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