Johann Goddard was 18 when the bombs dropped. Being three years later, he is now 21. This is his personal narrative of his time when humans forced each other underground.
A quick time line to sum things up:
23, March 2014 at 10:10am, east cost time, up to 27,000 nuclear and non nuclear rockets and missiles were descended from the heavens onto our cities.
At 10:11am The only noises to be heard are fires and the sound of a plane dropping out of the sky every few moments.
At 10:11am The only noises to be heard are fires and the sound of a plane dropping out of the sky every few moments.
24, March 2014- Welcome to subterranean hell.
But none of that is what I remember the most. What I remember is seeing the war-free blue sky for the last time. When I saw that exact same sky again, however fuck long later, it was an unholy gray that ruined what ever hope I had.
Humans no longer ruled the land. But isn't that funny, trying to fight over land that no one gets because of all the fighting. Somethings do rule the land now though. But I know nature didn't allow these things upon the Earth willingly. But who rules the underground will really control what's left of humanity.
Was the Earth dead? We may have crawled out of a 4,000 degree fire but would we ever recover? How many more Niki Lauda's can the Earth pull?
No one knows how or what happened. Was a bear prowling around a nuclear launch site mistaken for a terrorist or spy?! Shit, Cher could've had a fucking wardrobe malfunction that caused mass hysteria. But really, it makes no goddamn difference. We're all just pests in our own home now.
~~
Now, there was this one guy who came up to me as we started to settle on the surface again, he survived in Canada and ask me how describe the underground. How to describe it??!! Who ever would ask a question like that is on crack! I can't describe it but I can explain it. Take a seat...
The first few months were the worst. The only fun thing was to see former high class New Yorkers reduced to what we all had to go through. The famous .1% was gone. It was really funny to watch the "rich" bastards and bitches who thought they still controlled everything. We all called them the F.R.s which stood for "Former Rich."
When the F.R. men would talk, they made sure everyone heard. That was a very bad mistake on their part.
It stopped being funny when this F.R. named Jay L. Herman was ranting about, above all else, race. Now, as my friend would say, Mr. Herman was a stale cracker. It was painful and scary to watch this man fly off the chain. He sealed his fate when he said the magic words.
"All the food and medicine will be wasted on the God forsaken niggers!"
It was silent for maybe a second or two. Then you heard the crowd start to move as a whole. Like a slime mold that just caught a whiff of a dead log. I was in the back and fast walked out of there. I did see the crowd grab him and heard a lot of screams and yelling. All I know is that when they found the entire body, they could tell his death was not a good one.
Believe it or not, finding dead bodies was common for the first few months. I found about three a week personally. Why so many bodies? Well lets take a look now: God only know how many sexual predator made it into the metro. Another reason was that everyone had fear they had never felt before. When you are afraid for so long, it turns to hate and murder isn't too far away now is it!
The F.R.s, the bodies, they were not even close to the worst behavior seen in the beginning months. Most F.R. women resorted to prostitution. Beautiful models were now just 10 minute whores. But- oh god..... The children. That is all to be said about the children.
I may have done some survival sex. But I credit that for being the driving force for me to start working out. Even combat training. I've stuck with it for the three years now, I did win a Mr. Metro contest. That contest came about after the metro stabilized which will all be explained later.
No need to tell you about all the running towards the metro. It was a backwards ripple, everyone closing in on one place.
You heard the sirens, some people screamed, some cried, some said nothing and others did nothing. Then you saw our missiles rocket up into the sky heading god knows where.
There is a reason that either, there is an ungodly amount of toxic metals in the subway or we all had shitty diets with no sunlight. The the reason is, is that much of the time spent down there is a blur. It feels like someone just took every day and pile into one. Therefore I won't remember ever detail.
To tell someone about that time spent in the subway, one would have to start with moving day.
2.
I came into the metro with: my mother, Magdalena Goddard. My stepdad. Manos Margetis. His brother, Barthelemy "Bar" Margetis. Lemy's wife, Winona Margetis and her sister, Sagan Wachowski.
To explain my mom is like to explain the universe, you just can't. All I can say is that she will protect me with her live. Also she is the nicest person you could meet but if time calls for it, she can turn into the most pissed off person on Earth! She's beautiful too. She has amazing long silver gray hair which has so much volume. She had a face of a woman 20 years her junior. Manos is just usual. I love him, he's great. Smart though, very smart. Lemy is even smarter. Lemy knows history and weapons inside and out! Winona is a prep-er so she brought all of our supplies. Sagan is a CIA agent so she helped secure our room.
Now me. Well I have a short blonde-brown mohawk which I have had for the past three years. I am just under 5 feet tall bit I make it up with my bodybuilder physic. I trained and learned a lot of medicine on the surface so I was was very excited when I got work in one of metro's best hospitals.
We all were able to get a housing with each other. The housing was situation was.... odd. Some just slept on the ledges on the sides of the tunnels until they were able to expand and create more beds.
Our room was down a service hallway with many doors. We then came to one door where this young and scared army boy opened the door. Now the room was amazing. Six bunk beds, three on each side of the room with their headboards facing the wall. Each had a locker at the foot of the bed. That was like winning a billion surface dollars at the time. It was below Chelsea. Maybe near the corner of 23 st and Eighth Av.
Because my family and I only took up six of the 12 beds, we had six roommates on bunks but also we had people who would have to sleep on the floor. I knew not then but those roommates would really help save the asses' of countless people. People just not in NYC Metro, east coast, or even the country, but the world though.
The roommates, as they were to be known as, consisted of: Laura Wager. Laura was around 38. She seemed to have had children before the metro. She had straight long brown hair that touched her mid bicep. She was a psychologist and she kept her profession and applied it wonderfully to our new world.
The second roommate was Tara Hyde. I actually remember reading a story about her. She is gifted when it comes to technology. I think she was accepted into MIT when she was 17. She is 18 the day we all became roomies. She had very delicate features with shoulder length light brown hair. Never let her looks or smarts fool you, I once saw her rip a man's figure off when he tried to have his way. She dumped the figure down a drain to make sure it could not be reattached. She's an amazing girl and one of my best metro friends.
Lilith Shelby was a God sent. She acted like part friend, yet part mother. She was 35. Dark shorter hair. Lilith became my best friend. She worked as a N.P. in a burn ward before the metro. It was good to have someone around our area who know about burns as it took a while for the old hot pipes to cool down. Also it was good to have someone who I could talk medicine with.
Arpad Nycklos was a genius! He moved to NYC when he was five. He is 23 now. He was a doctor in Math and minored or whatever in Political Science. Thank go he fell into the Democratic People's Party of the Metro. Arpad was short like me. He had broad shoulders, light beard, and a nice sprinkle of body hair all around his torso and limbs.
Byron Audet was typical guy from Chelsea, Manhattan. Muscles with shaved arms and a pink mohawk. He was a Forensic Science college student and he was going to become one of the metro's MEs.
Rinatya. Fuckin- Talk about an enigma! I still do not know her last name! I mean, who's like that??!! We all just called her Rinat. She was from Israel. She had black hair that was quite straight. She didn't speak too much and one of the more serious people I've ever meet. It was he training is the IDF that made her one of the best killers one could imagine. Once mom became an Archduchess, I wanted Rinat to be her guard. Mom wanted Rinat to be my guard. I won though, she is mom's guard. I remember something she said to me once, "Too many people have failed in this world, I will not fail you. Your Mother safe." That's Rinat.
Claudette Bussell was in the military and was assigned to our room. She only a couple inches taller then 5 foot. The military fell apart violently after only two weeks in the metro. Claudette protected our room for rogue AWOL military rapists and bandits many of times! My mom just started to trust her. Claudette would never be too far from me but I knew how to loose her.
There where a brother and sister that lived with us. The woman, Dimitra Vivano(nee Kostka) was 39 and long black, straight Cher hair! Tattoos and big muscles. Her husband, Marco Viviano, was killed by a mass of rats just days into the metro her brother told me that when I started talking with with.
The brother, his name was Orestes Kostka, was almost had the energy of a deity when he walked in. Some may argue it was because of the way he looked. He was rather short being 5 foot 6 inches. His was a young 40. He was the most muscular person I have every seen. He was was a bodybuilder. He looked like Ares has came to Earth in human form. But it was the tattoos that were the most amazing thing about this Earth-walking-god. The list of tattoos he had: solid black forearms, collar & padlock around neck, 5 pointed nautical stars over nipples, 3 pointed sun from groin, shackles with pad locks around shins to ankle, solid black around each ring finger, black chin, and a galea (roman centurion helmet). You may wonder how I know where all his tattoos are on his body, well the hole in the stall was already there! I digress! He had a cute silver goatee. Also, he sported a smoothly shaved head. He seemed to have a touch of Turkish or North African in him. I notice he meditated early ever morning. I wanted help to meditate again and that just became our time. We of course we talked about our loses, but he was the only person to talk and get me to talk about any gains. I knew he was something else. But he was healing. For that moment, I made sure we only stated Meditation buddies.
The last person the enter was a boy, later I learned to be 19, he was in a shock that far surpassed all the rest of our own shock. He had a face that who may see back in the 1920s. Very mature bone structure. He had a natural blonde hair color. His eyes were blue, very blue. Even more blue then my own eyes. He sat on the bottom bunk of the bed right next to mine and just laid flat down on his back. He kept his eyes open and you could see that they were so red but he wasn't crying. They also looked like they had zero support, they fell deep into his skull.
A little while later I asked Laura to keep an eye on the boy, who at this time was on his side, and try to make sure he did nothing in the extreme heat of the moment. She couldn't agree more.
Everyone was in bed around 11pm but no one closed there eyes and actually got any sleep until earlier morning.
I just woke a bit to turn over and I turned to face the 19 year old's bed. I saw that it was empty and I thought maybe he went to take a leak but I could see the only logical restroom he would've chosen and it was empty. After seeing that, I got up, slipped on a shirt, some pants, and shoes. I started to head for the door to look for him. Now you may think I was insane but that day you didn't hold your life in high regard. If he was in danger from either himself or others and I could prevent more blood from being spilt, fuck yeah I'd look for him.
As I neared our room's door I heard someone say, "Why are you up?"
I recognized it as Claudette's voice. She was still laying in her bed and not moving the slightest.
"I'm looking for that guy. Ya know! He "moved" in last and took the bed next to mine." I said.
"Yeah, I know who you're talking about and no, you will not be leaving this room." she said a tad smugly.
The hell I'm not! You can't just tell-- How did you hear me leaving and not the other guy? So this is all on you kinda, wow you would have thought." with a grin spreading on my face as I said that.
After a slight pause she took to understand that I gave her verbal bitch slap, she half reluctantly and half pissed said, "Fine, lets go."
She grabbed her FN P90 which made me remember that I needed a weapon to call my own. I went over to where Winona put all of our supplies away. It took a moment of staring at how home-like it was put away already until I found what I needed. It was a beautiful stainless Kukri, inwardly curving edge knife from Nepal that is used exactly like a machete.
"What? I need to be dramatic with my weapons.... It's a thing!" I said to combat Claudette's "what-the-hell" stare.
"Alright then, lets go look for this guy. Which way first Claudette?"
"Your guess is as good as mine machete man."
3.
After some back and forth, Claudette and I settled in going back farther into the maintenance tunnels.
"I really appreciate you helping to look for this guy with me Claudette."
"Yup."
"Alright girl, are you tired or pissed? Or both, I would accept both."
"I'm tired Johann.... Jack ass."
"Damn, someone needs some-- wait, there isn't any more coffee is there?! Well, the metro sounded good but in execution it fell short. Nice knowing ya Claudette."
Claudette gave a little half smile.
"You have a morbid sense of humor and a weird one too, I wasn't even trying to be funny!"
"It's only funny because it's not quite true. You won't believe the hydroponic system that was built down here. We'll be able to grow our own food and medicine."
"Medicine, good to know."
"Why so good to know, you a druggy?"
"Claudette, you are something else. I hope to become a medical doctor."
"Well this would be your chance, before the career vacuum closes."
We have been walking for around 5 minutes when I heard a slight sobbing sound. Claudette wasn't convinced that it was our "escapee" but as it grew louder, I knew.
The two of us came upon a small maintenance closet in which the door was slightly ajar. The crying was coming from in there
I was slowly opening the door when Claudette readied her bullpup P90.
"Be carful!" she said.
I pushed the last of the door open and there I saw him. He looked at me after the door opened. He looked like we just uncovered a slave. All around his eyes was dried salt. I motioned Claudette to put her gun down. I kneeled down and let my knife fall in my lap. I sat next to him, and didn't say anything. I waved Claudette to take point. I just stayed next to him with a hand on his shoulder.
Finally he said, "Comment vivez-vous lorsque votre vie entière vient d'être assassiné?"
"I'm, I'm sorry. I don't speak french"
His airway was still spasming pretty badly so I told him to wait and calm down.
"What's your name?"
"Remi Dax St. Sauveur. From Lille. I was here to look for universities." There was a pause, "Everyone I know, is dead, I am dead!"
His eyes started to well up again. I couldn't hear him start again.
"Look at me! Remi, Remi look at me. Look at me Remi!" I was holding his hand pretty tightly at this point to try to keep his focused and in the moment.
"My name is Johann Goddard and I care about you. I saw you gone and dragged Claudette out of bed just to find you. We are all in one boat. You were placed in a good room, where people care about you. Come back to our room. It isn't safe out here. You need to rest."
"Can you stay near me Johann?"
I looked puzzled and Remi must have seen, "Every time I close my eyes, Lille is on fire."
"I will stay with you. I promise."
"Je vous remercie!" he said in his unique soft but masculine.
He met my eyes. We were facing face to face, very close too. He leaned in and, he kissed me. It was light and passionate. I mean..uh Yeah I liked it, as much as someone could being kissed by a lean and muscular Belgian also having a break down of sorts. I couldn't feed too much into it, he was emotional all over. I hugged him and rubbed his back.
"Let's go Remi, I want you to lay down. You can sleep with me not leaving your side. Claudette can help walk us back. Okay?"
He nodded.
"Merci Johann. I did not think I would feel better but you made me a feel better. I feel safe with you. Je n'oublierai jamais, jamais!"
We walked back into the tunnel and the three of us walked back to our room. I just wish Jean felt better, he does't deserve this. Then again, none of us do.
4.
The three of us finally made it back to our room. Claudette just wandered over to her bed and just plopped down like a sack of laundry. I followed Remi back to his bed and noticed he was wearing the pants he came in wearing.
"Remi," I said. "You need something clean to sleep in." I walked over to where my clothes were and picked up a pair of cotton pajama bottoms and said, "Here is some clean sleepwear." I handed them over.
"Thank you," he said as he stripped off his old pair of jeans.
For a brief second I saw his natural figure. His body was slightly light from ambient lighting. He looked like a swimmer who weight trained. I quickly snapped back into real life when he got the new pair on.
"Thank you. I like them. Very Nice."
"Good, Very good."
"I am sorry for acting like a child in front of you back there. I know how uncomfortable americans get around emotion."
"No, do not be sorry. Everyone is a complete wreck now. But hey! Not all of us are the same," I said amusingly.
He goes to lay down and I slip off my shirt. Jean sat and laid down on his bed. I sat more towards the side of this bed and half laid down.
I just just started to relax when I heard the faint noise of and unmistakable of a thermonuclear warhead violently exploding X amount of miles away.
Everyone heard it, but not many people moved.
There must still be people fighting. But nothing made sense. Who is still above??
5.
I woke after three hours. It was still pretty quiet. I saw two people up. Rinatya was standing guard at the entrance to our room and Orestes was sitting, in his black boxer-briefs. He was meditating and it reminded me how I used to meditate. I brushed Remi's hair, "I have to get up, OK?"
He nodded.
I then got up and slowly walked over to Orestes. "Hello," I said quietly.
"Johann, hello my friend," the eccentric bodybuilder said without opening his eyes. "What do you need?"
"Just wondered if I could meditate with you? Two energies are more powerful than one Orestes."
"You are indeed right about that my brother! Also, call me 'O'. I like my name but it's just to weird to say it over and over," said O with a little grin but he still kept his eyes closed.
"Thanks O." I sat and started to gather my mind, body, and soul. Collecting my energy and grounding myself was a must.
After around 20 minutes, we both ended our meditation session. I finally was able to see O's eyes up close. They weren't any shocking color but were filled with peace and love. It felt like a mental vacation just staring into his eyes.
"Same time say, every morning?" I said hopefully .
"Count on it man."
As I walked back to the bed, I looked at all of us together. I looked, I thought, and new, that we're all be OK. I thought at least.
~~
The next couple months was awful. Any control fell apart, bodies found left and right, and survival sex. Put the puzzle together. Let's skip 3 months and 2 weeks....
7.
Finally, FINALLY there was a public rally with the intent to find a government for the NYC subway. Now it was set up by an organization call Searching for The DPPM, or Democratic People's Party of the Metro. Even if we were skeptical about any chance to find a working government, we were all part of Searching for The DPPM.
The rally was held in the 14 St-Union Square Station. When we got there, there was a mess of people and they'll all screaming and... Well screaming is about it. As we all just sat down in the back row I noticed my mother was no longer with us followed by Rinat.
"Remi," I said, "Where's mom and Rinat?"
"Right up there, on stage."
"What?!"
Sure enough there they were. Rinat seemed to be standing guard with her IMI Tavor CTAR-21. It turns out she had been asked to give a speech. She never told me because she wanted it to be a surprise as it was a lot about me. Saying how she can't stomach to see her son see all of the horror that surrounds the underground.
When she was finished, she got more then a standing ovation. The crowd acted like she was a rock star.
The news came not but a few hours later that indeed, The DPPM has come into power and have asked my mom to be the acting head of the metro.
But under the agreement, one person from a separate party to keep it so one party can't gain complete control. That other person in this case was Reinhard Boros who was head of the party known as Real Life.
I remember the first time I saw Reinhard. He looked a lot like the Italian version of Jesus except he had his hair buzzed and he suffered from heterochromia, his eyes were different colors. His right eye was this dark brown and his left was green. His charismatic personality was actually frightening.
I told my mom what I thought about him and she kept it in the back of her mind. She also informed our personal security service which is a misnomer if there ever was one. It was just Rinat and Claudette. Rinat was my mom's personal security and she appointed Claudette to be mine. I fell like I got the shorter end of the stick if you ask me.
~~
It had been two months since mom was put in charge and it was really working. Claudette and Rinat were "Royal" security, Laura was head of the new mental hospital that was built near Flushing-Main, Tara and Arpad dealt with more of the technical side of creating a metro that one could actually inhabit, Sagan was head of police, and Byron, Lilith, and I all worked in the hospital that was built near the 86 station. I mean just name someone we knew down there and they had a meaningful job.
I can see how some people didn't like that.
8.
It was my day off from the hospital and I was spending it in the only place I wanted to be, in our room with Remi.
Oh right I hadn't told you yet, we all still shared a room. Two reasons for that, safety in numbers because the metro will never be safe and mom never took any areas for herself or her friends and family. She gave the space back to the people.
Anyway, Remi and I were just both reclining on his bed and he nearly bagged me to teach him more about medicine so I had my Gray's Anatomy out and I was thinking of a disease or disorder and showing how and where it effected the human body....
"Het-er-O-chrom-Ee-a, how can you not say that Remi!" I was sort of laughing at that point.
"You make fun of my accent too much," he smiled.
"Here, let me get closer, and do what I do," I said suggestively. Remi had a shot of constrained delight flow through him. I started to lean in. "Het.." "Hhet.." "er." "our.." "o...." I was unable to continue as we already began to touch lips. Very soft and sensual slowly progressed in rough and sexual. I then straddled his legs around mid-thigh. Once I found timing I through off my shirt, undid my belt, and just as I was sliding my hands under his shirt and up his torso I hear someone.
"Whoa, sorry, girl in the room." It was Claudette.
"Fuckin- What are you doing?! I thought we were alone!"
"I can tell what you though Johann," she said with a smile.
"Well can you leave Claud, we're busy-- learning," I said.
"I do not think she believes you, Johann," Remi said giggling.
"He's right, and besides I have to lie down and I can't keep lyin' down at the office, they frown upon it," she said.
I put my shirt back on and said, "C'mon, lets go somewhere more private and I don't need any more escorts then I already have and that's an order Claud."
"I don't understand why you're so pissed Johann," she said
Then I came back with a good one, "Maybe you don't understand, maybe because all you need is the detachable shower head and your a spring chicken!"
"You lack insight on females. I'm too tired to argue. Go have fun. I hope you "use" that lucky half dollar in your wallet before it's no good," she said grinning.
"Always have to one up me don't you?"
"Pretty much..."
~~
Remi and I were walking to find a remote location as to where we could spend some time alone, as a couple and not survivors.
"I know a place that is right-" I got cut off by a woman named Scarlet Tiggs. She works along Sagan as a senior crime investigator.
Scarlet was a beautiful women. Easily the most gorgeous women of color I have every seen. She would wear a black skirt that ran just below the knees as well as a white blouse. Scarlet always had her straight hair, that went down to the T7 vertebrae, in a ponytail and started at the center of her parietal bone. She would become a close ally and friend, one of the few that didn't live in our room.
"Johann, Remi," she said greeting us.
"Whats going on Scarlet? It's my day off," I said
"I know and I am sorry but two bodies have been found near High Station under the East River and we need all the help we can get. Dr. Shelby and Dr. Audet are on their way there now."
"OK... Remi can we reschedule?" I said with a half smile
"I am always free for you," Remi said holding my shoulders. "Go and see what happened. That is important."
"We will have that date soon! Bye for now" I said smiling.
"À bientôt mon amour."
I started to head off with Scarlet in the direction of what will become a serious threat to human survival underground. Of course no one knew at the time though.
~~
Scarlet and I arrived on scene. Byron and Lilith were already there. Byron was just looking completely lost and Lilith was looking at one of the two bodies.
I also noticed two separate holes in the ceiling of the tunnel. There was a constant flow of water through both holes. It was more then dripping but not like a tap on full power. The water was coming directly from the East River so it was highly irradiated. Three guys in haz-mat suite were busy starting to seal the tunnel.
"Wait!" I said. "We need samples from the holes. What ever made them may be connected with these deaths."
Now deaths and radiation are not uncommon down here but these deaths were nothing normal. What I got from eyewitness accounts was that the two dead were brothers and like not to far from where they were found. Their job was to help keep this section of tunnel is good condition.
The witnesses went on the say the when the leak started, around eight hours ago, our victims tried to fix it but couldn't.
Around one hour later, rashes appeared on there body. The rash and pustules made there way around there entire body. By that time, no one wanted to go near them and they couldn't call around and electric lines were down for inspection.
When I saw the bodies, they looked like they were run over by a train. Or where they playing with white phosphorus?! One of the brothers had no lower or upper jaw. Where his mouth would have been was so damaged that you could see the brainstem from his mouth.
When I saw the other victim, much of his face was swollen so bad that his eyes went not get enough O2 and died. His stomach was oddly bloated. He had wounds that just looked like natural decomp but this has only been eight hours.
I ordered everything back to the Byron's office. I never do autopsies but I wasn't going to miss this for the world.
Lilith, Byron, a couple lab tecs, and myself were just starting the autopsies. I remember me being focused on the jawless man and Lilith pick the boated man as her prey. Then out of nowhere.
"buzzing Click Click, buzzing Click Click."
"The fuck?" Byron said.
"That sounds like a cicada," I said.
Then Lilith stated, "Guys, it's coming from bloated man's mouth..."
Lilith got some tools and started to walk towards that mouth. "Careful," I said. She waved me off. She put the tools in his mouth and started to spread it, but before she could even start opening it, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!"
I heard her scream and I ran to her but before my legs even started moving, a 5in crustacean sprang out of bloated's mouth, got two feet of air and landed on the floor. You could hear it's legs "click clacking" as it scurried all about the room.
Lilith was able to shut the door as I got a large class jar and I successfully trapped that quick bastard.
I looked at that thing and I knew it was an isopod. The isopods even dug through the wall of the subway tunnel. I then opened the mouth of the bloated man and saw 10 or more smaller more worm like isopods.
"It wouldn't be hard for radiation to create human parasitic crustaceans," I said. I continued, "Everyone get out, it's now a biohazard. Everyone, seal this room and get out, I'm pumping carbon monoxide into this room. Strip down to nothing, burn all items of clothing and take a 30mins chemical shower. I'll join ya guys."
I was only thinking how many of these new "Super-Pods" are out there, or in here.
"I'm never going to get this date with Remi," I thought in an inconvenient tone.
9.
A few days later I finally put together plans to spend a night with Remi. I had a room that I could use. It was property of the hospital, located near Broad Station. It was a good sized room, being about 8x20. It had a queen sized bed which I arranged in the center of the room. I folded all the other beds and piled them in the back of the room. I made sure the room included constant low lighting or "mood lighting".
I left a note on Remi's bunk telling him where to meet me and to my delight, he was right on time.
"Wow.. You did all this, for me?!"
"Of course," I said. "I love you, and I would do anything for you."
"Love," Remi said slowly and with a smile growing on his face. He started to blush..
"Let us just relax. Here, if you want, lets get cozy on the bed and talk. We've hardly seen each other over the past few weeks. I took a sick day and I wanted- no, needed to spend time with...... Celle que j'aime. Celui qui est toujours là pour moi. Celui qui me fait sans douleur. Was that good," I said a tad nervously.
"No, it was amazing! I love you too Johann," Remi said with a smile and a little emotionally.
We were both on the bed at this point. Remi was on his back and I was on my side with my hand over his chest.
Now, I won't have to explain all that happen after that. Just followed a normal path, kissing, shirts off, kissing, belts undone, kissing, pants off, kissing, underwear off, other mouth activities, kissing, other orifice usage, intense neurotransmitter release, kissing, cuddling. Normal flow but what I will tell you how I felt.
We both had sex before that moment, with others so it was good, no weird virgin spasming sex. It flowed like a smooth river. No turns or rapids. The skin to skin contact beats any drug. When you are touching someone in bed or after sex, the contact causes the brain, in both sexes, to release oxytocin. No drug effectively does that.
It's only the two of you in that moment. Negativity flees your body and only love and light inhabit your soul. You let them touch your core, you feel their core, you are now both connected in mind, body, and spirit. When you wake up and his's still beside you feel you have transcended into a realm of only peace, love, light, and joy. But all that I have just written, isn't even a percent of what it's actually like.
You want it to last but it won't. The lucky will feel it often. But at that time for me, I can only describe it as being invisible and silent while you watch people flood into WTC 1 and WTC 2 on the morning of 9/11, then seeing the plane flying almost in slow motion, you can't warn anyone. My world burned down in flames but I just wanted him to stay, with me.
~~
I still cry about these events. I will try and explain the best I can but I'm just not too sure.
After we spent our night alone, I had to gather info on the new "Super-Pod" problem. The info was just past Bay Ridge 95 which was used as a research out post at the time.
Remi and I went to pick it up as we both had nothing to do. We actually didn't have to walk thank god, we had a two person dune buggy type vehicle that was made from, basically, spare parts.
We pick up the info and were heading back to manhattan section of the metro, but to do that we had to go a little farther past Bay Ridge 95 in order to turn around.
We were at the end of the tunnel when we saw that, yes the tunnel ended, but there was another tunnel that branched off in the direction of Staten Island. It was recently made and the entrance was covered with criss-crossing 2x4's.
I was just going to document it and head back but then I heard what I swore to be a human voice say, "Tuneĺ budzie hatovy. My idziem vostravie i sabrać boĺš liudziej , tak što my možam pačać planavać--" I couldn't hear the rest.
"Belarusian...?" said Remi. "Hang on. Ne bougez pas! Ne suivez pas amoureux."
I-I-I, I never followed him. I stayed in the driver's seat.
Remi went to the wooded wall and looked through a hole. I heard, "Mon Dieu! Merde! -- bang bang bang."
Remi stumbled back to the buggy. I did this U-turn and floored it back to Bay Ridge.
Remi was shot once in the side of his neck and his lower, right abdomen.
When I would glance over I could see his face in utter agony. My heart was racing. I wasn't crying then as I was in a "fight or flight" response and that inhibits tear formation for a small moment.
We got to Bay Ridge but it was empty now. Remi was umm, gurgling and was trying to say something but only blood came out of his mouth.
I got him partially laying on the ground. I took off my shirt to us it to compress the neck wound first.
He kept trying to say, "him-- het-- hetr-- er-- com- comy," in a blood logged voice.
"Don't talk, stay calm! Please! Somebody! Help US!!!" I started to scream.
People started to emerge, they came running as they saw their help was needed. One pushed the medical alarm.
Remi started to loose muscle tone. I kept looking into his eyes as he looked into mine. I saw a twisted mix of fear, agony, and I also saw "I'm sorry" in his eyes. I started to sob, "You'll be ok Remi. Remember I love-you. Remi Please Stay. Please don't go. Please don't go... Remi..... Please....."
10.
4 Months Later.....
I was in the queen bed room. I remember I was working out and the Mr. Metro contest was coming up. I actually lost my mohawk and grew my hair out. Like the length of Charlie Hunnam but my hair was slightly curly and parted on down the middle basically.
It had been around 4 months since my first true love died in my arms. I wouldn't want to be back to normal so soon but I wasn't healed at all. I've taken a sabbatical from work and all I have been doing really has been working out. Rarely going out for social interaction and even stopped the morning meditations with O. I moved out of the old room and spent most of my time is the room i call the queen bed room.
For the 4 months since the incident, I have wanted to and not wanted to open a steel box that contain Remi's personal belongings. Everyday I see it and I so much want to open it but, even with all my muscles, I am nowhere near strong enough to open it.
I heard a knock on the door and I put my hand on my P90, "Who's there?"
"It's me brother, Orestes."
"Hey, come on in O."
"Man, we need to talk," Orestes said sitting down next to me on the bed.
"I know," I said just staring blankly. "I think I know what I have to do. Hand me that metal box," I said pointing to the box.
"You never opened it yet?"
"I couldn't. I could never bring my self to do it. Look O, you HAVE to stay and help me. I have no idea what's in there," I pleaded.
"You don't have to ask. I'm here," Orestes said.
I run my hand over the top and it's cold, so cold. I grab the key to it from under my pillow and stick it in the lock. With one exhale I turn the key to unlock it. I lift the lid and stare into it, emotionless for a moment. I see a stack of pictures, all taken from the metro. All were pictures were of him and me, with a few just being me.
"I remember when all of these were taken," I stated.
"I know I took a few of these," Orestes said with a sad half smile.
Other things in there were the Yugoslav Model 61 Skorpion, a gas mask I gave him, and a "combat" tanto I found on a victim of Super-Pods that I gave him for his last birthday. I also found a card that said, "I am so happy for you with the Mr. Metro contest! I know you will do very well, you will have no idea how long ago I made this! hehe" That really was hard to swallow. Then I found the last thing in there, a fair well note in case of death. It was very short. It read, "Johann, in the unlikely event of my sudden death I need you to know that you have made the time in the metro surreal. I will be forever grateful for you making what I presume to be my last months/years on Earth so happy. I never want you to change, I want you to make others happy like you did with me. I will never forget running my hands over your head and mohawk, very sexy [smiley face]. For my first true love, Johann Goddard."
Tears began to roll down my face. I go and hold my pillow and sob. Orestes put his hand on my shoulder to calm me.
After so long, I stopped crying and said, "O, get some clippers and your razor. This isn't me."
"That is the Johann I know!"
That's when I started to heal.
~~
I was in a room off of one of the tunnels. It was a plain 10x10 room with dirt floors. The only unique thing about that room was the stone placed into the ground and painted with a short history of Remi. I was alone with Orestes waiting outside.
I began to speak, "I want to start by saying that I am sorry for not stopping by sooner. I know you understand though. I'm- uhm- really sorry that you died and everything but we both have to move on and I know you wanted that to happen months ago but I guess I wasn't ready until now. I'm looking at a picture of you and I want to say how beautiful your eyes are but I know I've said that a hundred times." I started to smile. A puzzled thought was quickly being passed through my frontal lobe and then came to the facial nerves.
I continued, "Eyes......?" I bit my lower lip being deep in thoughts. "Heterochromia.....?!"
It would have been something to see my brain on a fMRI when I figured it all out. After 4 months believe it or not!
"Son of a bitch. Son of a BITCH!"
I ran out of there, "O, call a meeting with everyone NOW. No questions. I have to see Lilith, meet you back at the room with everyone."
"O- Okay. What is wro-"
I grabbed him by the shoulders and look hi dead in the eyes, "Trust me!"
11.
"Yeah you're right the only known case of heterochromia is Reinhard Boros," said Lilith. "What's this about?
"Lil, it was right in front of me. Like time or- or space! As soon as I stopped looking, I found it."
"What?!" Lili really wanted to know. "Is your schedule clear for the rest of the day? You need to be at the meeting," I said.
"Mrs. Stevens has her chemo but I'll get the resident to do it. Besides, it's about Remi, I can tell, or perhaps its's about your crush on O."
"This is hardly the time," I said.
"Well you do. How else would you explain that picture of him you carry around sometimes," she asked with a shrug.
"He's a friend," I protested.
"Oh right," she continued, "and the picture you carry around is stiff and breakable because it's old or else did someone miss the cereal bowl with the milk?" She laughed. "I'm sorry Johann, it's just that people adapt down here quicker. Move to another partner quicker. Also, when I talked to Remi once, he told me he wanted to see you in love again from the heavens."
I used my shirt to dry a tear.
~~
Everyone who was needed was in our room for the meeting. It was, me, mom, Manos, Rinat, Laura, Claudette, Sagan, Byron, Lilith, Orestes, Scarlet, and a new solider who was in second command only behind Rinat. His name was Vince Aleo. He was a good man. Nice as Orestes and as deadly and Rinat. He was italian. He had shoulder length, brown flowing hair. Reminded me of what I just hacked off. He also had stubble where ever facial hair could grow. But the must striking thing about him was he had a silver nose ring, aka a pierced septum.
In the past four months, at that time, Scarlet and Vince moved into the room for added protection. Vince took Remi's old bed and since Claudette stayed with me, Scarlet slept in her bed. All the protection was needed as cliques were growing and most did not have a calm separation and expansion.
Anyway, the reason I excluded so many of my friends and family from that meeting was because this needed to stay TOP SECRET.
We all went around explaining, well, my findings to my mom. I think the straw that broke the camel's back was when Scarlet was looking at Reinhard's file and said, "There it is, Remi said it was Belarusian he heard and Reinhard Boros was born in Minsk."
"Mom, trust me. The universe spoke to me," I said.
She thought for a second and then said, "Okay, issue an arrest warrant for Mr. Boros. Claudette, Rinat, Vince, Sagan, Orestes, and Johann, you guys will be going to arrest him."
I guess after all that, when I didn't hear, mom had a talk with O. It went like, "Orestes, I'm only sending Johann so he can keep healing. I send him with a heavy heart. I need him to start going out, not staying in his room. If that means going on this "mission" oh well. But you hear me loud and clear Orestes, you protect him. I mean if one atom seems out of place, you get him home, okay?
O responded, "Magdalena, your son is something different. Something amazing. He always feels alone but he isn't alone, he's the first. I- I really love him like a brother, maybe more but that's a different conversation!" They both smiled. O went on, "I will protect him. With whatever it takes, I will keep him safe!"
12.
Despite being all "lock n load, ready to go," it took 4 months to get enough intel and locate Boros who ran to Staten Island through his new tunnel. But even thought it was 4 months later, the same team as said before, was working on capturing Boros. But it was nice to let go and relax as I still had work at the hospital. I would usual unwind with Orestes when I had any extra time. We were closer then family but not "lover" close.
I was afraid to get close to someone again. Not only that it seems like I'm putting them in danger but people in my life, leave me. I know people evolve and go which ever way but that's not what I'm talking about. Some don't leave willingly, like Remi, and I understand. But others leave with full knowledge of their crime. My biological dad left me, twice actually. My first boyfriend, Ricky. My friends, Edward and Susan. All before the metro.
I'm easily the only sane SoB that feels this way but what the hell: Sometimes I view the bombs and the underground as a fresh start. A better life. I know what I'm saying. But what I figured out and like what Laura said, before the metro, I was no one. I was Johann Goddard. My first kiss was when I was 18. That's sad. I don't understand why. I was and still am a nerd but other nerds were getting tail! I had medical issues but other cripples had friends. So to get to my point, I was affectively neglected. By friends and my own dad. Now, I have friends I have a purpose. So like abuse, beating a child is not as damaging as neglecting one. As Laura said, "Neglect is the worst kind of abuse."
When it comes to Orestes, who has been my best friend and more, the idea of losing him is paralyzing.
I did confront him with that issue and he put it like, "I would die with or without knowing you. I will live, with or without knowing you. But if I do know you and if you wanted, we would live side by side. I would never leave you by my own free will. Greatest of all, it is my job to protect you in the metro. You may not think you need protection but that is besides the point. I made a promise to protect you and YOU know I wouldn't break that promise for anything or anyone!"
He was right, I did know.
Did I find someone, or better yet, let someone finally touch me, hold me at night with skin to skin contact after a panic attack, someone to take my pain away, give me hope, make me strong, wipe away my tears? Yes, I finally let someone.
To have it be the gentle warrior, Orestes Kostka, made it a dream. It couldn't become a nightmare, right? Now with my 20/20 hindsight vision, I see an Alp might have been sucking blood from my papilla already. Same with Orestes..
13.
It was dark, it was also winter, and I was exposed. It was in the backyard of my old house in Madison, WI. In was so cold. I wasn't even blue, I was white. It was cold. Remi was in a long trench coat. His hair was in a short ponytail until he let it down and started to walk around me. During which he talked and I said nothing.
"Look at you. Slut, whore! I'm dead! DEAD!! Because of you... Who's the the big doc?! Not that big, couldn't save me. My last moments were spent with a pig that might as well have been from Sodom. You should burn. Haha, yes!!! Burn! You need to burn! You, Killed, ME!"
I woke up. I was in bed, next to Orestes, in the queen bed room. Nothing unusual. It was about 4am. I had to get up, no going to sleep after that. Why such a dream? Well today was the day that Boros' arrest warrant was to be carried out.
As I got up I got my morning medicines (homemade caffeine pill and a morphine tablet for pain). I walked into the bathroom carefully as not to awake Orestes. I brushed my teeth and shaved, nothing unusual accept for the fact of still being in shock from such a forceful wakeup. As I got ready just to rest in the bed until O got up, I caught myself in the mirror. It was a full mirror. It started near the ground and was about 6 feet tall so I was able to see all of myself.
I was nude and I was able to take in everything. I looked amazing. Like an in season bodybuilder, which I was, but I found it ironic that I looked like how I wanted to look since I was seven and it brought me no extra joy.
On my walk back to the bed I saw that Orestes was up and gently staring at me.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you Rest."
"A bad dream," he guessed though I'm sure he knew.
"Yeah," I said as I crawl back into bed. I laid on my left side and Orestes was on his right, so we were face to face. I used my right hand to rub the back of his head and he started to smile a sweet, soft smile. He massaged my back with his left hand- I mean, it felt good.
"Are you going back to sleep? I-I won't be able to myself," I said.
"No, I'm okay."
"Meditate?" In asked.
"Not yet. Why not just talk?" Orestes had a smile on that always healed. Though there was a seriousness tucked into his emotion filled face.
"Are you nervous, for today?"
"Stressed. I'm stressed," I replied.
He touched his forehead against mine, ran his hand down the side of my face to my shoulder and bicep, and said, "I know you can relax under pressure. I've seen it before- and I want to see it now."
I smiled. The fact that someone, where the relationship was chosen, had such love for me, felt- well good of course but it felt needed. I hope that doesn't sound selfish. It just was hurting, everywhere- mind, body, and soul.
He slid his head across the pillow and kissed me. It was so... Soft and loving but it carried so much emotion. I felt his chest up against mine, it was god-like, broad and muscular. I could feel each and every breath he took. His hand moved down from my shoulder down to my thigh and up again. I swung my leg over top of him where I moved him on to his back and I was laying on top of him.
Sweating, panting, hands gliding across every known square inch of skin there was, it was- an out of body experience. Face to face, skin to skin, and muscle to muscle. Parts became, interconnected. Allowing a foreign body into you, if it's the one you truly love, is an unspeakable act of love and joy.
We both were very passionate, vocal wise. It's funny that only in sex can vulgar words become words of success. I remember looking into his eyes and seeing the indescribable look. It was one of joy, pleasure, and love. The delight felt in every inch of your body only comes from sex with one you love. But the best parts were just the skin to skin contact and just the simple act of kissing. Those don't just stimulate the body but also the mind and soul like nothing else.
However long later came the influx of moaning and swearing, flooding of oxytocin in the brain, and the rapid lose of energy. After, we showered and after the shower I crawled back on top of my very own demigod. We decided to meditate like that, that morning. I loved it. I actually fell back to sleep for a little bit while laying on Orestes.
I feel the reason I was able to go back to slept was that I felt immune to any harm that was out there. Also, whenever I saw all of Orestes' tattoos, I felt so safe, so protected. Maybe that did all go to my head. Maybe I love him so much, that I made him out to be untouchable. But either way, we both survived to tell this so maybe we were a bit untouchable.
~~
Soon came 7:00 am and Orestes and I walked into the "our room" where mom, Rinat, Claudette, Vince, and eight other troopers that were part of this operation were waiting. The operation was known as "Always Shitty" which was code for Arrest & Search. The idea of A&S was to go, search the tunnel and arrest any Belarusians and Boros. The reason it wasn't search right after the shooting was that it was deemed structurally deficient.
It was to have Orestes and myself leading a squad of eight spec op troopers into the tunnel, at my request, and have Claudette, Rinat, and Vince wait at the mouth.
Lets skip to when Orestes, myself, and the eight other guys walking through the tunnel. We were about 1100 feet in the tunnel when the leading member triggered a trip wire. What happened was about 30 feet of both walls shot out hypodermic needles. Because all 10 of use mad a group that was only 15 feet long, we were all struck. These "needles" were huge. Any where from 3mm to 5mm in diameter and they hurt. But the anesthetic/sedative quickly numbed the entire body.
A few of the spec op guys died from either the needle piercing a vital organ or of an overdose of what ever agent was given to us. I was struck with only one needle and even though I collapsed, I remained somewhat aware.
By now, I was the only one aware but I could barely move. I saw Orestes had succumbed already and was lying in a comatose state. Then these guy, all in haz mat suits, come upon us. The were coming from the southwest end of the tunnel so they came from where ever we were going.
"Kill them," one said. He seemed to be in charge. He was wearing combat gear with a gas mask and not a full on haz mat suit. They went on with their new orders and began shooting everyone in the head. One was walking towards Orestes. All muscles, save for breathing muscles, were nearly paralyzed by now and I was fading fast.
My heart was pounding as each step came closer to watching a loved one die. With all the will I slurred a, "NOO!"
"Who may that be?" The leader started to walk towards me and when he looked at me in the face, he said, "Look at what we caught men! The President's very own son. Who was he saying 'no' about?" One of the haz mats pointed to Orestes.
The leader continued, "That must be his fag lover. Alright, keep them alive and return them to doktor. Perfect bartering pieces for Reinhard and dok's been bored lately so he'll be happy to have new toys around. Move out men."
My last sight was seeing Orestes being put into a body bag type human suitcase and that was quickly followed with me being put into one. I finally blacked out.
14.
I regained a minimal level of consciousness about five minutes later. I'm guessing it was sodium thiopental that was loaded into the needles but it was worse.
I know that my feet were tied together and I, along with Orestes, was being dragged. We were in a body bag like device but it didn't cover the entire body. Mainly it covered the torso to make it easier to drag a human. I was pretty sure we hadn't reached the Staten Island metro.
I of course had countless thoughts racing around my head. I really finally started to panic but I was slowly loosing muscle tone. It was not just affecting my limbs but my chest as well. I started to take very shallow breaths and the next was always more work and even shallower.
My vision was going into a blackout right as I saw a crisp hollow point bullet rip apart our attacker's skulls.
Rinat appeared and she was holding a syringe with a cocktail of antidotes. I actually designed it for just this situation. It had two hypodermic needles, one would inject naloxone, the other would inject atropine.
I don't remember but Orestes and I were both given the two antidotes and transported to a care unit. Fighting did continue in the tunnel but I guess there was a second tunnel that appeared between South Ferry and Court/Borough Hall. That was the start of a plan to effectively separate Manhattan and Queens.
Over the next few hours we lost everything south of Court/Borough Hall and Crown Heights/UTICA Av.
I was no where near lucid for around 17 hours so none of this is a first hand account. The next three days that I am able to remember were hell. Recovery mainly. Orestes lost the function of his right kidney but we were going to be fine.
A few days have past, I was sitting at Orestes' bedside and holding his hand. He was intubated and not too lucid but he was able to understand most everything.
"Carfentanil, that is what was in the spikes. 10,000 times more potent then morphine. I know what you're feeling, helpless." He turns and looks at me with a face that had a touch of emotional agony showing. "One can only accept it. Sit in the feeling. It's scary but by sitting in that state, you overcome it." He looked down and more emotion started to show. "Man up," I said with a smile. I saw a positive reaction in his face. "I have..... not good news," I said with a face that was quick to turn grim. "More factions have turned hostile. Mainly the ones in Queens. Though we were able to get a good sized army and Rinatya knows of a weapon cache under the U.N. and there is also one under Central Park. On a brighter note, I'm taking the tube out of your throat today, you're breathing over it." A slight smile appeared on my face but it was cloaked with sadness. "Things will be different of course." I put my hand in his and stared into his eyes, "Who ever did this, I will kill them myself. Alright, lets get that tube out. One, two, three and cough."
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