Ferrum™ Off Shoot Series: Petr's lamenting dream

YA vizhu tvoye litso. YA pomnyu. YA pomnyu..... (I feel everything when I dream. The restraints, that cold metal forced in my ass. The warm blood running down my leg. I just focused on you in my mind's eye. It was going to get me through it. You, Arpad, were. Then I was dragged out and I saw you, your face. You were kneeling, with a shotgun with bird shot was right in your face. It was all execution style. They brought us together, for me to watch them tear us apart. Yours eyes had much worry, but just worry for me, not for yourself. In that moment your eyes said "Forgive me, my lyubimyy Feodore." Then that trigger was pulled and your head was pushed back a bit. I couldn't see your face. But then, you started to pull your head back upright. You were alive but your eyes were not your own. You started to slowly bleed from almost everywhere and nowhere. As your head started to drop forward, I saw that you were bleeding from each bird shot wound. Like plato being squeezed through a pretend plato noodle maker. I was back in my cell, still being raped, blood still pouring down my legs, and absolutely no emotion.)....... YA ne zabyvayu. YA ne proshchayu. Dlya tekh politseyskikh, ya prikhozhu, dnem, i noch'yu.

"Krokodil" ™

Moskva's burning.
Government's laughing.
What's that? Crimea's falling.
The ruble has descended, there is no God.
Vodka's failing its job.

Thionyl chloride with codeine gives me a-chlorocodile, then catalyze me, Krokodil.
Oh how clandestine!
My opioid receptors surge to life. They love the agonist.
Fade into blissful relaxation. Euphoric and talkative and relaxed!

I start to smell. My legs swell. I don't feel a thing. I'm sure it's fine.

I see through my leg, how strange.
People think I'm deranged.

"I wasn't happy," I say as the piano wire cuts through my leg.

"Ahedonia" TM*

I don't care

I really don't

I bet on my own atrophy

All with apathy

Trapped by will

No walls

My muscles won't respond to my mind

My mind won't respond to joy

What is life beyond this?

Is there life beyond this?

I don't care 

"Hopeless is a Valley" TM*

I am tired

I am sore

I am stuck

Over here

I see the light

Over the horizon

No pass

Nor hope

Shows it's self

For any trip

Over that mountain

I want to be scared

I want to be manic

I want to love

I want to be happy

I want to have joy

But not from here

I want to have sex

I want to have fun

I want to taste some hung-

I want to have purpose

My pain is an agonist to my hopelessness

Where's my antagonist?

Where's my inverse agonist?

Where is time?

Now Mama, don't you worry

I am not afraid

And I will always be standing towards the Light.

"Pity Thoughts of a Twink? Nope. A Normal Thought For Any Human!" (poem, I own it, Do NOT use)

When I see you with nothing on-
I feel so safe-
I feel I belong

When you look into my mind's eye-
I feel like we will never die

When you touch me-
I feel nothing-
I want to feel something-
That's not in my mind

I really want to see you

I may just need to feel you-
... Again

I'll love you 'til I die-
Even if it's only in my mind....

"Lost & Checkered Soul" (poem, I own it, Please Do NOT use, action will be taken if used)

Perpetually going from guy to guy

Desperately trying to fill the holes in the moth eaten sweater of a heart

No drug
&
No Surgery

Can fix these holes in my heart

These holes seared into the innocent's heart from a tender age

I feel only love can fill these holes

Yet they still exist

Have I not found the love or does it just not work

Even in this pain

You can not live your life within the personal adds of the internet

"The Real King" (poem by me. I also own it. Please do not use.)

An absent king

She takes up the sword, the armor, and the crown

For she states: "Every person, please calm down."

She can wait through indefinite time and space

Faster then any Cicindelidae

She will, and does, take any attacker on like the little goddess, Methocha

An assassin of evil and hate

She outshines the sun itself

She is dark, an olm can even follow her

She loves, hates, destroys & creates

For she is the king

And brings the unreachable joy