Iatrogenic Pain....

I had an epidural steroid injection. Just because I do not want to have to explain it all, I'll paraphrase from the signed report that went along with the procedure:

"The patient was placed prone on the CT table and localizing transaxial images were performed. 
After choosing the appropriate level for access, the lumbar region was prepped and draped in 
standard sterile fashion. The skin and subcutaneous tissues along the anticipated needle tract 
were anesthetized with 1% lidocaine. A 25-gauge 3.5 inch spinal needle was then advanced under 
CT guidance until the tip of the needle was within the right T11-T12 neuroforamen. 
Approximately 1 mL of Omnipaque-300 mixed with 0.5 mL of 0.5% Marcaine were injected into the 
epidural space. Confirmation of appropriate distribution of the injected materials was made 
with additional imaging. Then, 80 mg of Depo-Medrol mixed with 0.5 mL of 0.5% Marcaine was 
injected into the epidural space. The needle was removed. The patient tolerated the procedure 
without evidence for immediate post procedural complication."

I know they did some nerve damage and it's so frustrating to have iatrogenic pain along with my chronic pain! I had to go to the ER on Feb 1st because the pain was so severe right at the injection site. They got an IV started with hydromorphone ( Dilaudid). I was set to have an MRI to see if there was any damage. MRIs are extremely painful for me because my back can't handle lying there. So they also gave me fentanyl. I was able to complete the 3.5 hour MRI relatively pain free. They didn't find any gross damage. But between the time I got accepted to the ER at 5pm and when I was discharged, I had 5 vials of hydromorphone (Dilaudid) and 5~6 vials of fentanyl. The pain is still increased so I'm setting up meetings to see which medicines I can go on until it heals.

Eustress Analgesic Titration™ Updated

Eustress(noun)-stress that is deemed healthful or giving one the the feeling of fulfillment.

 All my medical professional say to eliminate stress. A, shut the hell up (is what I think) because I can't. And B, that's impossible for anyone. I have chronic pain and gross lack of life fulfillment so unless said professional can procure some LSD, their "astress™" is flawed. So I thought since I can't eliminate stressors, I thought to tack some on.

The main idea came from the drug DMCM(methyl-6,7-dimethoxy-4-ethyl-beta-carboline-3-carboxylate) which has been shown to produce analgesic effects in animals, thought to be because it produces panic which reduces the perception of pain.

The idea also came to me from the hormesis model. That basically says that low exposure to toxins and other stressors elicit a biologically favorable response. Like the cellular reaction to endogenous oxidants that cause the cell to ramp up self protection pathways which in turn protect the cell from excess damage from exogenous oxidants. That is supported by evidence that antioxidants can cause an increase in aging and worsen outcomes for some types of cancer, i.e. lung cancer.


 Anyway, I thought to increase eustress in by watching scary shows and movies. As well as playing scary video games. For me, these include:

Shows-
 Paranormal Witness
 Coma(the A&E mini series which I personally liked)

Games-
 Silent Hills PT
  Silent Hill games in general
 Outlast
 Amnesia
 Five Nights at Freddy's 

Movies-
 Silent Hill films
 Se7en showed promise although that was more because it looked like it was shot like, in the Titanic

I highly advise against crazy shit like: crazyshit.com(>__>)  kaotic.com, documentingreality.com, or theync.com. Also against mondo films like Traces of Death. Those just cause a stress that is unhealthy due to the films being based off real deaths and since the websites depict actually death, murder, and torture. So don't even think about those. (I SAID STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!)

Also, please don't look up and read about Dean Corll, among other serial killers. Stress that causes your stomach to churn is universally advise against. You have to use your own limits to decide. I like my own choices for myself because they are a safe distance away from reality while still getting to me.

ID Investigation(whisper: Investigate) also did nothing. But I've watched murder mysteries since I was little so that makes sense.

Note that even eustress can increase pain so this is for sure not for everyone. No magic bullet either, I guess mainly because I feel like I need to sleep with an actually gun now. But I'm getting this bad boy sharpened...

El doctor Mengele, por favor, ayudar a nuestros niños! (Short story, 18+, Contains medical torture and Nazism. TM*)

 In the late 1960's, in the poorest areas of Brasilia, a wonderful new doctor from Deutschland moved into the area. He was a pediatrician and that fit him so well because he adored children. He would work on the poor children for free. Josef Mengele had a foggy past but no one knew, let alone cared.

     The regular children at the clinic just loved "Tio" Mengele. Always had the best sweets in his coat.

     One day, parents of two boys ran into the clinic. Josef was of course the only staff on call in this few room clinic that the doctor also owned out right. He hurried the boys, who were about 10, into an exam room. He asked the parents to wait, to save them the distress of seeing any mishaps. As Josef entered the exam him he noticed something that raised his mood more than any drug. The boys, were twins. Identical too. The good doctor couldn't believe what the Norse Gods have sent him. "Es gibt immer Hoffnung für Arier sein." he said to him self. It was time to start eugenics again.

     He had to inform the heart broken parents about their boys' death. Josef said it was Reye's Syndrome which was still unclassified. To  absolutely no fault to the parents they believed, and they also believe that it was a biohazard risk to see the "bodies" of their young sons. No biohazard ever existed but Josef was so gifted in making up false threats. He matured in a world of faux Jewish threats of course. He told the parents their sons' remains had to be cremated for safety. He gave them the ashes of two stray dogs.

     The boys only had a minor illness which resulted in stupor. Josef quickly stabilized their condition.

     The twins were very much alive and healthy. "Tio" Mengele moved them to the secret basement lab of his free clinic. They lie on two separate metal gurneys, strapped and gagged of course.

     Good ol' Josef thought, in his native Deutsch tongue, "Unser Führer wäre so stolz!" I'm sure he would have been too.

     Mengele saw the complete terror in the innocent eyes. Doc did the only sane thing of course: he giggled like a teen getting their first smart phone.

     Doctor cut the vocal cords so they wouldn't need a full time gag. Then wheeled the young twins into the OR, where the needle and thread were ever so ready.

Russian Neo-Nazis don't Even Deserve old Swine Shit. They're becoming the Death Squads of Russia

     Russian neo-nazi group, Occupy Pedophilia is an anti-LGBT death squad that is passively backed by the government. They abducted LGBT youth and torture them over the course of several days, most often resulting in the death of the victim. They will video tape and take many pictures to document the suffering they inflict on the LGBT youth. They will post it online where it is admired throughout Russia and the surrounding countries.

     I don't share this to cause outrage, anger, sadness, or shock. I share it because it is reality. Also, like myself and many of you, these youths were just being LGBT. The act of being, got them physically, sexually, and psychologically tortured and murdered. I could easily have been a victim if I just simply was born there.

Trigger Points--Finally!

     I finally got around 6-10 trigger point injections. I got poked many times so it's sore but the actually chronic pain is around 90% less.

     I still have post-withdrawal ahedonia so it's hard to wrap my head around the world that is now open to me. Yeah, I'm scared. Like when you were little and were sick from school for a week or so and you had nerves in your stomach from being gone for that long.

     I'll be 19 on 1-25-2014. I'm still in high school, I am not ashamed but being frozen in life takes a toll. The cost of the years of untreated pain has yet to be known but I have "Stars" by t.A.T.u playing so I have hope.

"Lost & Checkered Soul" (poem, I own it, Please Do NOT use, action will be taken if used)

Perpetually going from guy to guy

Desperately trying to fill the holes in the moth eaten sweater of a heart

No drug
&
No Surgery

Can fix these holes in my heart

These holes seared into the innocent's heart from a tender age

I feel only love can fill these holes

Yet they still exist

Have I not found the love or does it just not work

Even in this pain

You can not live your life within the personal adds of the internet

How to deal with fear.... One of many ways. Also, Emotions

     Try this.....

      You are afraid,for what ever reason. Humans want to run from the fear and panic. They also what to force it so deep down in their psyche that it will turn into any number of diseases and disorders, not just cancer.

     If ever possible, try to sit down and relax during a fear overload. Picture almost a garden with your fear sitting right in front of you like a dog returning a stick. Try to sit in the fear, just let it around you. Then cast it away from you, behind a bush or under some rocks.

     Fear is will always be here, so will anxiety and panic(Those 2 will be covered later). But you have to deal with it in a health way. Humans, though flawed, were mean't to express their emotions. Not just females but males too. The set back is that our society(I mean North America. In some Southern American countries, it is more accepted for males to release their emotions as well as females.) tends to frown on such open expression. It's like a small taboo.

http://www.clipartguide.com/_named_clipart_images/0511-1008-1201-0052_Bearded_Man_His_Eyes_Big_with_Fear_clipart_image.jpg