What the Hell is Freedom Anyways?!

   

                       (http://www.mylifeatfullspeed.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/freedom.jpg) 


     We all know about the freedom in America. But I do not know how many understand what freedom allows or even what is freedom.

     Is freedom the right to let a country, say Iran, do and practice its own values, even if those values include killing of homosexuals and intense gender bias.

    Or is freedom the right for every human, male, female, LGBT, in the world, to live their life without fearing death.

    Sometimes it gets me a bit pissed when I see "freedom lovers" protesting against US involvement in other countries, albeit it's not always a good thing, but in a way, we are trying to bring the 2nd type of Freedom. Sometimes we succeed, other times we fail. Thats not the point though, the point is: What is Freedom?

Behind the Scenes in "The Real King"

If you are wondering what the 2 names of insects were well here:
 Female Methocha:

    (http://www.rutkies.de/ameisen-2/Methocha%20ichneumonides%20    %20Trugameise%20w10a%208mm.jpg)





   Tiger Beetle(Cicindelinae):        
                                                                           

(http://entmuseum.ucr.edu/bug_spotlight/posted%20Images-pages/images/38.jpg)

Larva:

(http://cdn2.arkive.org/media/CA/CAB0D374-081B-4D66-A1E8-A9D043D5E8BB/Presentation.Large/photo.jpg)

Here is what happens when a mama Methocha wants to lay her eggs in a Tiger Beetle larva. Methocha laying her eggs on the real tigers of the insect world.

"Pity Thoughts of a Twink? Nope. A Normal Thought For Any Human!" (poem, I own it, Do NOT use)

When I see you with nothing on-
I feel so safe-
I feel I belong

When you look into my mind's eye-
I feel like we will never die

When you touch me-
I feel nothing-
I want to feel something-
That's not in my mind

I really want to see you

I may just need to feel you-
... Again

I'll love you 'til I die-
Even if it's only in my mind....

"Lost & Checkered Soul" (poem, I own it, Please Do NOT use, action will be taken if used)

Perpetually going from guy to guy

Desperately trying to fill the holes in the moth eaten sweater of a heart

No drug
&
No Surgery

Can fix these holes in my heart

These holes seared into the innocent's heart from a tender age

I feel only love can fill these holes

Yet they still exist

Have I not found the love or does it just not work

Even in this pain

You can not live your life within the personal adds of the internet

"The Real King" (poem by me. I also own it. Please do not use.)

An absent king

She takes up the sword, the armor, and the crown

For she states: "Every person, please calm down."

She can wait through indefinite time and space

Faster then any Cicindelidae

She will, and does, take any attacker on like the little goddess, Methocha

An assassin of evil and hate

She outshines the sun itself

She is dark, an olm can even follow her

She loves, hates, destroys & creates

For she is the king

And brings the unreachable joy

TIM DAX, A True Hero..... Though he would (and will) disagree!

     Now, I do not know how many of you know about Sir Dax but he is a true person in and out.

*If this is your picture, please tell me

     Very..... Hmmm?.... Quite.... No... ah! You see him once, you will ALWAYS remember this guy! 

     I started to email Tim around August of 2012. Of course time peals back the layers in any type of relationship. Romantic, platonic. Close, far. In person, not in person. I had a dream of mine come true, talking with one of my heros like we're just 2 buddies basically.

     I ended up doing a Character Sketch project, that I did in one of my classes, where I had to interview him and it was just kind of surreal. I was the only person in that class that had access to an actor, let alone one of my heros. I may put up a file of the Character Sketch if possible and if Tim signs a release!

     I just like that he doesn't give a f**k about what others think. Everyone should take a page from his book. An example would be at the NYC Gay Pride Parade:

     He was younger here and more crazy as he said himself. It's also always a treat to see his head before the tattooing! 

    He is fun, friendly, trust worthy, trusting, full of empathy. He has helped me start my trip to becoming a bodybuilder.

    He may look like Predator, but inside he is cute like a lil' baby chestburster!

     Thank you Tim Dax, keep on goin'!

    *Tim, let me know if I should change anything man.*

How to deal with fear.... One of many ways. Also, Emotions

     Try this.....

      You are afraid,for what ever reason. Humans want to run from the fear and panic. They also what to force it so deep down in their psyche that it will turn into any number of diseases and disorders, not just cancer.

     If ever possible, try to sit down and relax during a fear overload. Picture almost a garden with your fear sitting right in front of you like a dog returning a stick. Try to sit in the fear, just let it around you. Then cast it away from you, behind a bush or under some rocks.

     Fear is will always be here, so will anxiety and panic(Those 2 will be covered later). But you have to deal with it in a health way. Humans, though flawed, were mean't to express their emotions. Not just females but males too. The set back is that our society(I mean North America. In some Southern American countries, it is more accepted for males to release their emotions as well as females.) tends to frown on such open expression. It's like a small taboo.

http://www.clipartguide.com/_named_clipart_images/0511-1008-1201-0052_Bearded_Man_His_Eyes_Big_with_Fear_clipart_image.jpg

Pain is Pain

     I sit writing at this moment in a hazy slumber, not so unlike Courtney Love's most alert state. I really am saying that I doubt anything meaningful will come from this post. But let me try!  

     Pain... What comes to mind when you hear such a word? Something in perspective, small maybe? Pain will save you from death and cause death. Pain is a tricky SOB. It can feel like a parasite.

    The 2 main things that a human has to remember when it comes to pain is that: 1) it is ALWAYS will leave at some point. Not saying it won't come back, but pain flare ups have LIMITS. Every single one. 2) During pain, you have to take, and ask, for your power back. Sounds a tad crazy, I know. But just say, maybe even out loud, that pain is not your controller. You, your lovely mind, controls the helpless pain. It always will and it always does.

    But mental pain, thats a bit harder...
   

Welcome...

     My name is Alex. I am 18. Why is the name, the name of the blog? Well I have had over 75 surgeries since I was a couple months old. Any 18 year old will tell you life is unfair, hell, any age, any race, any gender, will possibly tell you that. I can't help but laugh at some of my peer's problems. Not to be mean, like comparing a virus to a live animal. They both have their features but live animal takes center over a virus. I, like anyone, will say life is unfair. This understanding of life came very early. I have Larson-like Syndrome. Basically a connective tissue disorder (like what holds the body together). Surgeries, nurses, and hospitals were my life.
     At 8yr old, I was paralyzed. Not once, but twice. I have since fully recovered from the paralyzes. Why, I will explain later... Terrible times. If I had fallen after the botched surgeries, even just tripped, I would have been paralyzed. My 150* degree scoliosis and kyphosis were "fixed" when I was 12. Both are 90 now.
    My story still drags along....
    When I was 15 I started having serve chronic back pain. Now at 18, it is finally nearly gone.
    As some can guess, I hope to become a neurologist.
    I still have my father issues to bitch about! Lets save that for now ;).
    To add to the social stress, I just happen to be bisexual (which does exist!).
     So the real question, why start a blog? Well it's not to bitch, moan, nor cry but to hopefully help someone who can relate to me is any given way. This is just a biopsy of me. I love writing, this is just a given.
    So welcome to my blog...