Iatrogenic Pain....

I had an epidural steroid injection. Just because I do not want to have to explain it all, I'll paraphrase from the signed report that went along with the procedure:

"The patient was placed prone on the CT table and localizing transaxial images were performed. 
After choosing the appropriate level for access, the lumbar region was prepped and draped in 
standard sterile fashion. The skin and subcutaneous tissues along the anticipated needle tract 
were anesthetized with 1% lidocaine. A 25-gauge 3.5 inch spinal needle was then advanced under 
CT guidance until the tip of the needle was within the right T11-T12 neuroforamen. 
Approximately 1 mL of Omnipaque-300 mixed with 0.5 mL of 0.5% Marcaine were injected into the 
epidural space. Confirmation of appropriate distribution of the injected materials was made 
with additional imaging. Then, 80 mg of Depo-Medrol mixed with 0.5 mL of 0.5% Marcaine was 
injected into the epidural space. The needle was removed. The patient tolerated the procedure 
without evidence for immediate post procedural complication."

I know they did some nerve damage and it's so frustrating to have iatrogenic pain along with my chronic pain! I had to go to the ER on Feb 1st because the pain was so severe right at the injection site. They got an IV started with hydromorphone ( Dilaudid). I was set to have an MRI to see if there was any damage. MRIs are extremely painful for me because my back can't handle lying there. So they also gave me fentanyl. I was able to complete the 3.5 hour MRI relatively pain free. They didn't find any gross damage. But between the time I got accepted to the ER at 5pm and when I was discharged, I had 5 vials of hydromorphone (Dilaudid) and 5~6 vials of fentanyl. The pain is still increased so I'm setting up meetings to see which medicines I can go on until it heals.

Kirk Cameron... o_O

"Join me, Kirk Cameron, to celebrate how I would celebrate, because I am right, and I know exactly what God wants because I am Kirk Cameron! Me! Me!! ME!!!!! HAHAAHAA!" So... I am biased, being bisexual (which to Kirk Cameron means I rape boys, eat aborted fetuses and dance in Hell fire) but this why humans are stuck. I am spiritual but this man is trying to make the world slide back to a time of slavery, Christian law, repression of freedom and individualism.

Funny Story! Also a Watch Out/Heads Up

     Okay, so this started about a month ago. A guy using the name "Jason Beckerman" tried to scam me over the internet. So first he emailed me. Said he found me on a dating site. Of course, he made himself into the "perfect lover." He said he was teaching in Barbados and travels all the time. He said he came from money and had a big house out in Cali. Always would say shit like: "I will love you until the end of time. We can travel the world together." Just corny and SUPER religious shit like that. His less than perfect english and his odd hyper-religious fervor told me right away that he was no good. But I decided to bait the hook, see how it would end. I guess cause I'm super bored. So I played along. I was also curious about what he wanted in the end. He did end up using that african prince scheme.

 This is a picture that the guy calling himself "Jason Beckerman" sent to me. I just want to put the picture and his m/o out there so maybe, just maybe someone will see this and not end up scammed.

Russian Neo-Nazis don't Even Deserve old Swine Shit. They're becoming the Death Squads of Russia

     Russian neo-nazi group, Occupy Pedophilia is an anti-LGBT death squad that is passively backed by the government. They abducted LGBT youth and torture them over the course of several days, most often resulting in the death of the victim. They will video tape and take many pictures to document the suffering they inflict on the LGBT youth. They will post it online where it is admired throughout Russia and the surrounding countries.

     I don't share this to cause outrage, anger, sadness, or shock. I share it because it is reality. Also, like myself and many of you, these youths were just being LGBT. The act of being, got them physically, sexually, and psychologically tortured and murdered. I could easily have been a victim if I just simply was born there.

Just Wanted to Rub Out a Quick Idea!

     Oh shirtless Putin the Hunter (and fisher, and pilot, and dictator, and horseback rider, and savior of the Siberian Tiger), you can suck my fuckin' dick and like it! Ooh I hate your ass.

     If he ever needs a "son" on a hunting trip, I'm right here you nenavistnym svoloch'.

Pain and Shame with the World's Oldest Profession

     Now it has almost been a year since well known homosexual adult actor, Arpad Miklos was found dead by self inflicted means. He was 45. He was born in Budapest, Hungary and was a chemical engineer before he moved to NYC and became an adult film actor. Now this is not a stand alone issue.

     You know, sex is great, sex is fun, I love sex, but when sex is your job, can you really separate the act from the emotions? USA and how-ever-many other countries are awesome because they allow the legal production and sale or porn. (I will only be focusing on the USA.) Because it is legal, I feel all adult film actors should have close access to TRAINED & HELPFUL psychotherapist and medication when needed. People do not like to talk about porn even though SO MANY of us use porn.

     Sex is such an intense act, not only on the body but also the mind. That being said, few studies (That I know of.) look into the affects of long term, non emotion producing, repeated sexual activities for profit. I'm sure that the negative affects are increased a lot when talking about LGBT adult film actors such as Mr. Miklos.

     In many ways, we the viewers, sucked the will to live out of the actors/actresses who end up committing suicide. I'm not calling for a ceasing in all porn viewing activities. I just want to say that being in the porn business, does slowly kill you. But that is just one of the dangers of being in the adult film business. The human well being of porn actors and actresses are basically non existence. Also the amount of abuse that they receive is outstanding, but that is another story.

Trauma and How Nothing Will Ever be "Quite" The Same

     No this is one thing that I think is hurtful and never address because one doesn't want to seem like the bad guy. Well, as you know, I don't really care, so let me address it.

     I have chronic pain as you know, around 85+ surgeries since I was born, father issues, so I know hardship. I see these people on TV and the news who have had medical intervention and how they are just perfect, spotless, and sexy. These interventions are most often very minor in terms of what a lot of people have to go through. The host is always so teary eyed and says how beautiful this story is. Say like a gold medalist who has congenital absent feet.

     Sorry but my heart doesn't go out to said feetless swimmer. If it was a terminally ill 27 year old graduating college, then that is different.

     I am 18 and I still have two more years of high school that I missed due to my bane, pain. Also I was kept lucid after being paralyzed twice after two surgeries, two weeks apart so that they could keep an eye on my nerve function. That can only truly be done when the person is lucid. I was 8 at the time. I had a very painful infection in my lungs at the time and my back had just been opened and closed six times. I was given succinylcholine when they re-taped my intubation tube. At that time, I thought I was going to die and was ready. I was fucking 8 and I was calm and ready to die.

     Never see horror stories like that get a lot of media attention. Maybe it's too real for them.

     Also when they do talk to people who've had medical interventions, the people always say, "I can do anything a non disabled person can do" which isn't quite true. Not to undermine my own cause here but I only have back pain and I am unable to become the MD that I always wanted. I may not even be able to attend fuckin' college with this pain. Fucking idiots, rich dicks, and fucking rich idiot dicks can become doctors but I most like can't only due to a physical disability.

     I may sound like I am going against what I have said in the past, maybe cause I'm pissed or maybe because I'm not going into enough detail. I guess it's just that minor medical issues are treated with more of a "poor poor you" attitude than the real hardcore, life effecting medical issues by the media.