Trauma and How Nothing Will Ever be "Quite" The Same

     No this is one thing that I think is hurtful and never address because one doesn't want to seem like the bad guy. Well, as you know, I don't really care, so let me address it.

     I have chronic pain as you know, around 85+ surgeries since I was born, father issues, so I know hardship. I see these people on TV and the news who have had medical intervention and how they are just perfect, spotless, and sexy. These interventions are most often very minor in terms of what a lot of people have to go through. The host is always so teary eyed and says how beautiful this story is. Say like a gold medalist who has congenital absent feet.

     Sorry but my heart doesn't go out to said feetless swimmer. If it was a terminally ill 27 year old graduating college, then that is different.

     I am 18 and I still have two more years of high school that I missed due to my bane, pain. Also I was kept lucid after being paralyzed twice after two surgeries, two weeks apart so that they could keep an eye on my nerve function. That can only truly be done when the person is lucid. I was 8 at the time. I had a very painful infection in my lungs at the time and my back had just been opened and closed six times. I was given succinylcholine when they re-taped my intubation tube. At that time, I thought I was going to die and was ready. I was fucking 8 and I was calm and ready to die.

     Never see horror stories like that get a lot of media attention. Maybe it's too real for them.

     Also when they do talk to people who've had medical interventions, the people always say, "I can do anything a non disabled person can do" which isn't quite true. Not to undermine my own cause here but I only have back pain and I am unable to become the MD that I always wanted. I may not even be able to attend fuckin' college with this pain. Fucking idiots, rich dicks, and fucking rich idiot dicks can become doctors but I most like can't only due to a physical disability.

     I may sound like I am going against what I have said in the past, maybe cause I'm pissed or maybe because I'm not going into enough detail. I guess it's just that minor medical issues are treated with more of a "poor poor you" attitude than the real hardcore, life effecting medical issues by the media.