In school we learn writing stories is a good way to get smart. That is true but it serves a much larger benefit. Writing fictional stories helps heal the mind and soul as well. It's along the same lines as art therapy which is well known.
I can only use myself as an example. With my pain and medicine, it can be hard to find the will to leave the house, let alone spend time with friends or find a partner. When I write my horror/romance stories, it puts me into a state where I can express emotions, feelings, and even actions is a healthy and productive way.
A person never out grows the need for comfort. When you're young, you get the need taken care of by parents/guardians. But when your older, you start to need that comfort that only a true lover can provide. Like I write version of myself with a perfect boyfriend. Being in duress daily, I get a sense of comfort when I write about fictional me being with fictional partner. Now does it make any sense?
It may make no sense but the overall idea: Pain creates so many horrible emotions and feelings. They can be dangerous too. Let those emotions and feelings flow out of you through writing. For emotions and feelings that are stuck, write of a scene that you can imagine and release those emotions and feelings that way.
This may very well sound kind of crazy but when you're in the pain induce duress, it helps and just try.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Pain and Shame with the World's Oldest Profession
Now it has almost been a year since well known homosexual adult actor, Arpad Miklos was found dead by self inflicted means. He was 45. He was born in Budapest, Hungary and was a chemical engineer before he moved to NYC and became an adult film actor. Now this is not a stand alone issue.
You know, sex is great, sex is fun, I love sex, but when sex is your job, can you really separate the act from the emotions? USA and how-ever-many other countries are awesome because they allow the legal production and sale or porn. (I will only be focusing on the USA.) Because it is legal, I feel all adult film actors should have close access to TRAINED & HELPFUL psychotherapist and medication when needed. People do not like to talk about porn even though SO MANY of us use porn.
Sex is such an intense act, not only on the body but also the mind. That being said, few studies (That I know of.) look into the affects of long term, non emotion producing, repeated sexual activities for profit. I'm sure that the negative affects are increased a lot when talking about LGBT adult film actors such as Mr. Miklos.
In many ways, we the viewers, sucked the will to live out of the actors/actresses who end up committing suicide. I'm not calling for a ceasing in all porn viewing activities. I just want to say that being in the porn business, does slowly kill you. But that is just one of the dangers of being in the adult film business. The human well being of porn actors and actresses are basically non existence. Also the amount of abuse that they receive is outstanding, but that is another story.
You know, sex is great, sex is fun, I love sex, but when sex is your job, can you really separate the act from the emotions? USA and how-ever-many other countries are awesome because they allow the legal production and sale or porn. (I will only be focusing on the USA.) Because it is legal, I feel all adult film actors should have close access to TRAINED & HELPFUL psychotherapist and medication when needed. People do not like to talk about porn even though SO MANY of us use porn.
Sex is such an intense act, not only on the body but also the mind. That being said, few studies (That I know of.) look into the affects of long term, non emotion producing, repeated sexual activities for profit. I'm sure that the negative affects are increased a lot when talking about LGBT adult film actors such as Mr. Miklos.
In many ways, we the viewers, sucked the will to live out of the actors/actresses who end up committing suicide. I'm not calling for a ceasing in all porn viewing activities. I just want to say that being in the porn business, does slowly kill you. But that is just one of the dangers of being in the adult film business. The human well being of porn actors and actresses are basically non existence. Also the amount of abuse that they receive is outstanding, but that is another story.
Trauma and How Nothing Will Ever be "Quite" The Same
No this is one thing that I think is hurtful and never address because one doesn't want to seem like the bad guy. Well, as you know, I don't really care, so let me address it.
I have chronic pain as you know, around 85+ surgeries since I was born, father issues, so I know hardship. I see these people on TV and the news who have had medical intervention and how they are just perfect, spotless, and sexy. These interventions are most often very minor in terms of what a lot of people have to go through. The host is always so teary eyed and says how beautiful this story is. Say like a gold medalist who has congenital absent feet.
Sorry but my heart doesn't go out to said feetless swimmer. If it was a terminally ill 27 year old graduating college, then that is different.
I am 18 and I still have two more years of high school that I missed due to my bane, pain. Also I was kept lucid after being paralyzed twice after two surgeries, two weeks apart so that they could keep an eye on my nerve function. That can only truly be done when the person is lucid. I was 8 at the time. I had a very painful infection in my lungs at the time and my back had just been opened and closed six times. I was given succinylcholine when they re-taped my intubation tube. At that time, I thought I was going to die and was ready. I was fucking 8 and I was calm and ready to die.
Never see horror stories like that get a lot of media attention. Maybe it's too real for them.
Also when they do talk to people who've had medical interventions, the people always say, "I can do anything a non disabled person can do" which isn't quite true. Not to undermine my own cause here but I only have back pain and I am unable to become the MD that I always wanted. I may not even be able to attend fuckin' college with this pain. Fucking idiots, rich dicks, and fucking rich idiot dicks can become doctors but I most like can't only due to a physical disability.
I may sound like I am going against what I have said in the past, maybe cause I'm pissed or maybe because I'm not going into enough detail. I guess it's just that minor medical issues are treated with more of a "poor poor you" attitude than the real hardcore, life effecting medical issues by the media.
I have chronic pain as you know, around 85+ surgeries since I was born, father issues, so I know hardship. I see these people on TV and the news who have had medical intervention and how they are just perfect, spotless, and sexy. These interventions are most often very minor in terms of what a lot of people have to go through. The host is always so teary eyed and says how beautiful this story is. Say like a gold medalist who has congenital absent feet.
Sorry but my heart doesn't go out to said feetless swimmer. If it was a terminally ill 27 year old graduating college, then that is different.
I am 18 and I still have two more years of high school that I missed due to my bane, pain. Also I was kept lucid after being paralyzed twice after two surgeries, two weeks apart so that they could keep an eye on my nerve function. That can only truly be done when the person is lucid. I was 8 at the time. I had a very painful infection in my lungs at the time and my back had just been opened and closed six times. I was given succinylcholine when they re-taped my intubation tube. At that time, I thought I was going to die and was ready. I was fucking 8 and I was calm and ready to die.
Never see horror stories like that get a lot of media attention. Maybe it's too real for them.
Also when they do talk to people who've had medical interventions, the people always say, "I can do anything a non disabled person can do" which isn't quite true. Not to undermine my own cause here but I only have back pain and I am unable to become the MD that I always wanted. I may not even be able to attend fuckin' college with this pain. Fucking idiots, rich dicks, and fucking rich idiot dicks can become doctors but I most like can't only due to a physical disability.
I may sound like I am going against what I have said in the past, maybe cause I'm pissed or maybe because I'm not going into enough detail. I guess it's just that minor medical issues are treated with more of a "poor poor you" attitude than the real hardcore, life effecting medical issues by the media.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Asylum Seekers-More Anti-LGBT Russian Bullshit
Now yes, I am the kind of person to go out for milk and come back with an asylum seeker. That's just me, I own my actions! If you are more gifted in terms of money then I am (Bought a pack of gum which maxed out my credit card XP), I would hope you would consider donating to help victims of this Putin controlled hell hole. I wont point out any one organization but there are many.
Ok, Putin said a while back that he was doing this to protect the children which I can tell you came right from his ass, right in the middle of his ass. Studies show that 20% of LGBT youth will attempt suicide at least once. That number goes up to 40% when laws like this come into action. The number of homeless LGBT youth also rises.
So the blood of 16 year old Sasha, who slit his wrist because he was gay, and all the actual cases of LGBT suicide in Russia is soaking your hands Mr. Putin.
Ok, Putin said a while back that he was doing this to protect the children which I can tell you came right from his ass, right in the middle of his ass. Studies show that 20% of LGBT youth will attempt suicide at least once. That number goes up to 40% when laws like this come into action. The number of homeless LGBT youth also rises.
So the blood of 16 year old Sasha, who slit his wrist because he was gay, and all the actual cases of LGBT suicide in Russia is soaking your hands Mr. Putin.
The side of the coin that is always in the shadows.
What's that other side of you like? If you could, how would you dress? What tattoos would you get? Who in the bar would you say "Hey" to? What job would you have? What kind of hair cut? How would you make love?
Every human has the side of them selves that is who they would be if they could. Some people have embraced their natural side, like Tim Dax. Actually, one of the reasons I was drawn to Tim Dax was that he expresses himself in a way that is very close to how I would love to express myself. Though I try not to live vicariously through him! That's never healthy of course.
Would you be happier if you expressed that side that you always secretly had? I of course can't answer that, only you can.
Every human has the side of them selves that is who they would be if they could. Some people have embraced their natural side, like Tim Dax. Actually, one of the reasons I was drawn to Tim Dax was that he expresses himself in a way that is very close to how I would love to express myself. Though I try not to live vicariously through him! That's never healthy of course.
Would you be happier if you expressed that side that you always secretly had? I of course can't answer that, only you can.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Fuck Russia's anti-LGBT Stance!
Now yes I am an American but I am also bisexual, so I care about issues like this. I am not going to pretend I know what Russia is like but I do know there horrid treatment towards LGBT. This issue is not in western media anymore as far as I know. I just want to try and bring attention to this and to Please help asylum seekers. Please. I guess it's fine to do borderline homosexual acts and abuse new Russian army recruits (aka Dedovshchina) but not ok to do non torturous LGBT acts...
I mean, poor Andrei Sychyov, ндре́й Серге́евич Сычёв. Had to have his legs, genitals and, a finger amputated. Among severe gangrene in his legs, he also had severe trauma to his genitals. That was considered all on the up & up at the time.
I'll stand up to Russia, I don't mind one bit ;-)
Also, the anti-LGBT stance in Russia will be a subplot in my next story, We're a Family From Blood, Not of. The link to my writings:
http://chirostenotes123.deviantart.com/
It should be uploaded when I start writing it! Haha.
I mean, poor Andrei Sychyov, ндре́й Серге́евич Сычёв. Had to have his legs, genitals and, a finger amputated. Among severe gangrene in his legs, he also had severe trauma to his genitals. That was considered all on the up & up at the time.
I'll stand up to Russia, I don't mind one bit ;-)
Also, the anti-LGBT stance in Russia will be a subplot in my next story, We're a Family From Blood, Not of. The link to my writings:
http://chirostenotes123.deviantart.com/
It should be uploaded when I start writing it! Haha.
You Are a Proud Human, let NO Fucker Take That Away!
Being in chronic pain and on medicine for that last 4 years caused learned helplessness in me. Along with piss poor teachers and all the Dr. No Clue Fuckwads out there, I felt that any past hopes I had for adult me, were lost to the Universe. When those hopes are gone, you feel like they have been cut out without anesthesia. But they are still in you, waiting for the right time. They know that time too.
Having been off opioids for 2 weeks, the first time in 4 years, caused past hopes and dreams to erupt from my core. I felt like I could become a Proud goddamn Human! That I was and still am a Proud Human. That goes for everyone, from regular Petr in the Czech Republic to Samantha in New York who has cancer.
To love yourself, you must be Proud. Be Proud of what you have done, what you can do, what you can go through.
You may think that others control your Pride, they don't and never will and just can't. It's all yours.
Take your Pride and say "I am a Proud goddammit!" Teachers and doctors and fuckers and bitches and bastards can Never touch it. It is all yours.
You can and will be whatever you dream of, because you are Proud!
Having been off opioids for 2 weeks, the first time in 4 years, caused past hopes and dreams to erupt from my core. I felt like I could become a Proud goddamn Human! That I was and still am a Proud Human. That goes for everyone, from regular Petr in the Czech Republic to Samantha in New York who has cancer.
To love yourself, you must be Proud. Be Proud of what you have done, what you can do, what you can go through.
You may think that others control your Pride, they don't and never will and just can't. It's all yours.
Take your Pride and say "I am a Proud goddammit!" Teachers and doctors and fuckers and bitches and bastards can Never touch it. It is all yours.
You can and will be whatever you dream of, because you are Proud!
Opioid Withdrawal with Chronic Pain & Chronic Pain between medicines.
*This is my opinion. I do NOT recommend anything that is dangerous. Any advice given is made ONLY for legal adults and persons who have free will. If you have mental illness, do not try anything that your doctor hasn't recommended. Thank you.
I never have seen a place for someone going through opioid withdrawal but the person has chronic pain. That can happen when dropping down or getting off of one opioid and starting another.
Here is my example, though I give it reluctantly. I was on Butrans at a dose of 20mcg/hr. Now I liked that it was only a partial agonist but as many know, it makes you feel tied down to the ground. Not grounded in a good way but bound to the ground. I went to 10mcg/hr to 0 back to 5mcg/hr to 0. I was on hydrocodone to help with withdrawal as clonidine can make me furious. Being on strong opioids for 4 years infects your mind, body, and soul.
When I got to 5mcg and 0, well still on hydrocodone, I felt human again. It was amazing. But hydrocodone ran out and had to go 2 weeks with no opioids. First time in 4 years. The reason being that no drug store in the area had my new medicine, Exalgo. Now during those 2 weeks, I was sure I was going to die. I called the clinic many times and they said just wait. What they did was inhuman but you can't try and blame/control others.
My advice is this: Make sure you have a amazing psychologist to talk with. I mean AMAZING. Nothing worse then a bad therapist. Also, clonidine helped with my pain. It is a very good non opioid analgesic. Mainly it helped me sleep through the night with out waking due to pain and helped my sleep onset. I also recommend cannabis, though take this advice with a few kilos of salt please! Cannabis is not good for withdrawals but after withdrawals and waiting for new meds, hell yes! Cannabis is VERY often illegal. I just have to say that. If it is illegal where you are, "don't try it."
I will say that cannabis can calm you and just get you into bed before there is more pain or a breakdown.
Now everyone knows what is right and not right for their own bodies. I am not a legal doctor. I only have a lifetime of being a patient.
Any questions, please ask!
I never have seen a place for someone going through opioid withdrawal but the person has chronic pain. That can happen when dropping down or getting off of one opioid and starting another.
Here is my example, though I give it reluctantly. I was on Butrans at a dose of 20mcg/hr. Now I liked that it was only a partial agonist but as many know, it makes you feel tied down to the ground. Not grounded in a good way but bound to the ground. I went to 10mcg/hr to 0 back to 5mcg/hr to 0. I was on hydrocodone to help with withdrawal as clonidine can make me furious. Being on strong opioids for 4 years infects your mind, body, and soul.
When I got to 5mcg and 0, well still on hydrocodone, I felt human again. It was amazing. But hydrocodone ran out and had to go 2 weeks with no opioids. First time in 4 years. The reason being that no drug store in the area had my new medicine, Exalgo. Now during those 2 weeks, I was sure I was going to die. I called the clinic many times and they said just wait. What they did was inhuman but you can't try and blame/control others.
My advice is this: Make sure you have a amazing psychologist to talk with. I mean AMAZING. Nothing worse then a bad therapist. Also, clonidine helped with my pain. It is a very good non opioid analgesic. Mainly it helped me sleep through the night with out waking due to pain and helped my sleep onset. I also recommend cannabis, though take this advice with a few kilos of salt please! Cannabis is not good for withdrawals but after withdrawals and waiting for new meds, hell yes! Cannabis is VERY often illegal. I just have to say that. If it is illegal where you are, "don't try it."
I will say that cannabis can calm you and just get you into bed before there is more pain or a breakdown.
Now everyone knows what is right and not right for their own bodies. I am not a legal doctor. I only have a lifetime of being a patient.
Any questions, please ask!
Friday, June 14, 2013
Goodbye Archaeopteryx. Hello Aurornis xui!
We all most likely grew up knowing that the first member of Aves was good ol' Archaeopteryx. Well now we find that fact coming into intense questioning. Who will win?! Archaeopteryx or the quite fancy new Aurornis xui?
Archaeopteryx
(http://i.livescience.com/images/i/000/014/314/original/Avian_Archaeopteryx_02.jpg)
Aurornis xui
(http://edgecast.metatube-files.buscafs.com/uploads/gallery/pics/gallery_pic_9166_80596.jpg)
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Nuclear War Really is a Fallacy
I may be the only one that thinks nuclear war is something that is flawed in its very nature.
I asked about the prospect of complete nuclear war to the most peculiar source, a therapist, a psychologist. It was my therapist. Lets call this person Leonid.
Your mind, my mind, everyones mind is one single cell that makes up the organism known as the "Global Family". I will explain later :P.
When you're three, you know not to throw your sister off the deck as it would hurt her. So wether it be Iran or North Korea or any other child like country, they have that basic thought pattern.
Also, even the most evil of tyrants have a limit when it comes to complete destruction. Just take a look back in history if you don't believe me ;).
A nuclear war makes for great fiction but overall that's pretty much where a nuclear war will always stay.
I asked about the prospect of complete nuclear war to the most peculiar source, a therapist, a psychologist. It was my therapist. Lets call this person Leonid.
Your mind, my mind, everyones mind is one single cell that makes up the organism known as the "Global Family". I will explain later :P.
When you're three, you know not to throw your sister off the deck as it would hurt her. So wether it be Iran or North Korea or any other child like country, they have that basic thought pattern.
Also, even the most evil of tyrants have a limit when it comes to complete destruction. Just take a look back in history if you don't believe me ;).
A nuclear war makes for great fiction but overall that's pretty much where a nuclear war will always stay.
 |
| http://www.starseeds.net/forum/topics/threat-of-nuclear-war-and-anxiety |
Thursday, May 30, 2013
What the Hell is Freedom Anyways?!
We all know about the freedom in America. But I do not know how many understand what freedom allows or even what is freedom.
Is freedom the right to let a country, say Iran, do and practice its own values, even if those values include killing of homosexuals and intense gender bias.
Or is freedom the right for every human, male, female, LGBT, in the world, to live their life without fearing death.
Sometimes it gets me a bit pissed when I see "freedom lovers" protesting against US involvement in other countries, albeit it's not always a good thing, but in a way, we are trying to bring the 2nd type of Freedom. Sometimes we succeed, other times we fail. Thats not the point though, the point is: What is Freedom?
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Behind the Scenes in "The Real King"
If you are wondering what the 2 names of insects were well here:
Female Methocha:
(http://www.rutkies.de/ameisen-2/Methocha%20ichneumonides%20 %20Trugameise%20w10a%208mm.jpg)
Tiger Beetle(Cicindelinae):
Female Methocha:
Tiger Beetle(Cicindelinae):
(http://entmuseum.ucr.edu/bug_spotlight/posted%20Images-pages/images/38.jpg)
Larva:
(http://cdn2.arkive.org/media/CA/CAB0D374-081B-4D66-A1E8-A9D043D5E8BB/Presentation.Large/photo.jpg)
Here is what happens when a mama Methocha wants to lay her eggs in a Tiger Beetle larva. Methocha laying her eggs on the real tigers of the insect world.
"Pity Thoughts of a Twink? Nope. A Normal Thought For Any Human!" (poem, I own it, Do NOT use)
When I see you with nothing on-
I feel so safe-
I feel I belong
When you look into my mind's eye-
I feel like we will never die
When you touch me-
I feel nothing-
I want to feel something-
That's not in my mind
I really want to see you
I may just need to feel you-
... Again
I'll love you 'til I die-
Even if it's only in my mind....
I feel so safe-
I feel I belong
When you look into my mind's eye-
I feel like we will never die
When you touch me-
I feel nothing-
I want to feel something-
That's not in my mind
I really want to see you
I may just need to feel you-
... Again
I'll love you 'til I die-
Even if it's only in my mind....
"Lost & Checkered Soul" (poem, I own it, Please Do NOT use, action will be taken if used)
Perpetually going from guy to guy
Desperately trying to fill the holes in the moth eaten sweater of a heart
No drug
&
No Surgery
Can fix these holes in my heart
These holes seared into the innocent's heart from a tender age
I feel only love can fill these holes
Yet they still exist
Have I not found the love or does it just not work
Even in this pain
You can not live your life within the personal adds of the internet
Desperately trying to fill the holes in the moth eaten sweater of a heart
No drug
&
No Surgery
Can fix these holes in my heart
These holes seared into the innocent's heart from a tender age
I feel only love can fill these holes
Yet they still exist
Have I not found the love or does it just not work
Even in this pain
You can not live your life within the personal adds of the internet
"The Real King" (poem by me. I also own it. Please do not use.)
An absent king
She takes up the sword, the armor, and the crown
For she states: "Every person, please calm down."
She can wait through indefinite time and space
Faster then any Cicindelidae
She will, and does, take any attacker on like the little goddess, Methocha
An assassin of evil and hate
She outshines the sun itself
She is dark, an olm can even follow her
She loves, hates, destroys & creates
For she is the king
And brings the unreachable joy
She takes up the sword, the armor, and the crown
For she states: "Every person, please calm down."
She can wait through indefinite time and space
Faster then any Cicindelidae
She will, and does, take any attacker on like the little goddess, Methocha
An assassin of evil and hate
She outshines the sun itself
She is dark, an olm can even follow her
She loves, hates, destroys & creates
For she is the king
And brings the unreachable joy
TIM DAX, A True Hero..... Though he would (and will) disagree!
Now, I do not know how many of you know about Sir Dax but he is a true person in and out.
*If this is your picture, please tell me
Very..... Hmmm?.... Quite.... No... ah! You see him once, you will ALWAYS remember this guy!
I started to email Tim around August of 2012. Of course time peals back the layers in any type of relationship. Romantic, platonic. Close, far. In person, not in person. I had a dream of mine come true, talking with one of my heros like we're just 2 buddies basically.
I ended up doing a Character Sketch project, that I did in one of my classes, where I had to interview him and it was just kind of surreal. I was the only person in that class that had access to an actor, let alone one of my heros. I may put up a file of the Character Sketch if possible and if Tim signs a release!
I just like that he doesn't give a f**k about what others think. Everyone should take a page from his book. An example would be at the NYC Gay Pride Parade:
He was younger here and more crazy as he said himself. It's also always a treat to see his head before the tattooing!
He is fun, friendly, trust worthy, trusting, full of empathy. He has helped me start my trip to becoming a bodybuilder.
He may look like Predator, but inside he is cute like a lil' baby chestburster!
Thank you Tim Dax, keep on goin'!
*Tim, let me know if I should change anything man.*
How to deal with fear.... One of many ways. Also, Emotions
Try this.....
You are afraid,for what ever reason. Humans want to run from the fear and panic. They also what to force it so deep down in their psyche that it will turn into any number of diseases and disorders, not just cancer.
If ever possible, try to sit down and relax during a fear overload. Picture almost a garden with your fear sitting right in front of you like a dog returning a stick. Try to sit in the fear, just let it around you. Then cast it away from you, behind a bush or under some rocks.
Fear is will always be here, so will anxiety and panic(Those 2 will be covered later). But you have to deal with it in a health way. Humans, though flawed, were mean't to express their emotions. Not just females but males too. The set back is that our society(I mean North America. In some Southern American countries, it is more accepted for males to release their emotions as well as females.) tends to frown on such open expression. It's like a small taboo.
You are afraid,for what ever reason. Humans want to run from the fear and panic. They also what to force it so deep down in their psyche that it will turn into any number of diseases and disorders, not just cancer.
If ever possible, try to sit down and relax during a fear overload. Picture almost a garden with your fear sitting right in front of you like a dog returning a stick. Try to sit in the fear, just let it around you. Then cast it away from you, behind a bush or under some rocks.
Fear is will always be here, so will anxiety and panic(Those 2 will be covered later). But you have to deal with it in a health way. Humans, though flawed, were mean't to express their emotions. Not just females but males too. The set back is that our society(I mean North America. In some Southern American countries, it is more accepted for males to release their emotions as well as females.) tends to frown on such open expression. It's like a small taboo.
http://www.clipartguide.com/_named_clipart_images/0511-1008-1201-0052_Bearded_Man_His_Eyes_Big_with_Fear_clipart_image.jpg
Monday, May 27, 2013
Pain is Pain
I sit writing at this moment in a hazy slumber, not so unlike Courtney Love's most alert state. I really am saying that I doubt anything meaningful will come from this post. But let me try!
Pain... What comes to mind when you hear such a word? Something in perspective, small maybe? Pain will save you from death and cause death. Pain is a tricky SOB. It can feel like a parasite.
The 2 main things that a human has to remember when it comes to pain is that: 1) it is ALWAYS will leave at some point. Not saying it won't come back, but pain flare ups have LIMITS. Every single one. 2) During pain, you have to take, and ask, for your power back. Sounds a tad crazy, I know. But just say, maybe even out loud, that pain is not your controller. You, your lovely mind, controls the helpless pain. It always will and it always does.
But mental pain, thats a bit harder...
Pain... What comes to mind when you hear such a word? Something in perspective, small maybe? Pain will save you from death and cause death. Pain is a tricky SOB. It can feel like a parasite.
The 2 main things that a human has to remember when it comes to pain is that: 1) it is ALWAYS will leave at some point. Not saying it won't come back, but pain flare ups have LIMITS. Every single one. 2) During pain, you have to take, and ask, for your power back. Sounds a tad crazy, I know. But just say, maybe even out loud, that pain is not your controller. You, your lovely mind, controls the helpless pain. It always will and it always does.
But mental pain, thats a bit harder...
Welcome...
My name is Alex. I am 18. Why is the name, the name of the blog? Well I have had over 75 surgeries since I was a couple months old. Any 18 year old will tell you life is unfair, hell, any age, any race, any gender, will possibly tell you that. I can't help but laugh at some of my peer's problems. Not to be mean, like comparing a virus to a live animal. They both have their features but live animal takes center over a virus. I, like anyone, will say life is unfair. This understanding of life came very early. I have Larson-like Syndrome. Basically a connective tissue disorder (like what holds the body together). Surgeries, nurses, and hospitals were my life.
At 8yr old, I was paralyzed. Not once, but twice. I have since fully recovered from the paralyzes. Why, I will explain later... Terrible times. If I had fallen after the botched surgeries, even just tripped, I would have been paralyzed. My 150* degree scoliosis and kyphosis were "fixed" when I was 12. Both are 90 now.
My story still drags along....
When I was 15 I started having serve chronic back pain. Now at 18, it is finally nearly gone.
As some can guess, I hope to become a neurologist.
I still have my father issues to bitch about! Lets save that for now ;).
To add to the social stress, I just happen to be bisexual (which does exist!).
So the real question, why start a blog? Well it's not to bitch, moan, nor cry but to hopefully help someone who can relate to me is any given way. This is just a biopsy of me. I love writing, this is just a given.
So welcome to my blog...
At 8yr old, I was paralyzed. Not once, but twice. I have since fully recovered from the paralyzes. Why, I will explain later... Terrible times. If I had fallen after the botched surgeries, even just tripped, I would have been paralyzed. My 150* degree scoliosis and kyphosis were "fixed" when I was 12. Both are 90 now.
My story still drags along....
When I was 15 I started having serve chronic back pain. Now at 18, it is finally nearly gone.
As some can guess, I hope to become a neurologist.
I still have my father issues to bitch about! Lets save that for now ;).
To add to the social stress, I just happen to be bisexual (which does exist!).
So the real question, why start a blog? Well it's not to bitch, moan, nor cry but to hopefully help someone who can relate to me is any given way. This is just a biopsy of me. I love writing, this is just a given.
So welcome to my blog...
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